Yeah, we’re batting zero. Today was sunny and gorgeous. Still snow everywhere of course, but I pulled out a beach chair and sat on the lawn. Which is covered in four feet of snow, mind you, so it was a climb up there. But sit I did, and just soaked up some rays. Sure I was bundled up, but THE SUN WAS OUT. I had my People magazine, my iced tea . . . I’m spring ready.
And then I sort of dozed. Woke up to a rustle. And then blinked in shock as a bear walked right past my outstretched legs.
Um … YIKES. I’d been so still, he just hadn’t bothered with me. Until I jerked upright, dropping the magazine and the tea. Bear! Right THERE! I mean seriously, holy shit. So he keeps walking, and then about five feet from me, lumbers around to look at me.
Stare down contest.
I couldn’t take it. I went running up the open stairs to my front door . . . only of course it was locked. I’d come outside through the garage. Idiot. Moron. Bear Bait!!! Hyperventilating now, I had to come back down the stairs, walk RIGHT PAST THE BEAR, who is by now sitting on my driveway curiously watchng the stupid human run around like a chicken without her head. He didn’t bother me as I raced into the garage. I ran to the back, hit the close door button.
Have you ever noticed how SLOWLY a garage door closes?
But I’ve lived to tell the tale, so that’s something . . .
And I’ve got to say. Yesterday’s spider suddenly doesn’t seem so bad.