Best Of
January 31, 2013 | Filed under: Stuff
From three years ago. I’m posting it in light of the fact that I can’t find my cell phone. Figured I should remind us all what happened to my last one…
So I had to get a new phone because my old phone broke. I LOVE my new phone, it’s so pretty and shiny, and oh the tricks it can do! I have it set on vibrate because I hate the sound of a telephone ringing, and … don’t judge me … have it stuffed in my bra when I don’t have a handy pocket.
I can’t really explain that one, sorry.
So the other day I was shoveling the deck free of the bazillion feet of snow, bundled up from head to toe, probably looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, with only my eyes exposed because it was zero. Let me repeat that.
Zero. As in don’t let your nose run because it will freeze zero degrees.
Okay, back to my story. I was diligently working on the deck when Alpha Man came out behind me. And let me just break and say that for some reason, he gets a kick out of me doing certain things like shoveling snow or loading wood for the gas stove. No idea why, except probably it’s amusing to watch me attempt to get the snow flung up and over the snow bank since I’m like 3 feet tall, and probably it’s funny to watch me jump around and throw the wood and dance like a loon when I find a spider lurking …
ANYWAY, I was just minding my own business, shoveling away, and maybe singing very loudly off key to the iPod in my pocket when suddenly I’m swooped up into the air and spun around in circles and – Michael Jackson alert – held over the deck railing. I screamed bloody murder and Alpha Man laughed like … well, like a husband who has just successfully terrorized his wife. I swear to you, I’m cutting him off from the WWE. But this wasn’t my biggest problem as I was being flung around in circles, and then held over the deck railing. Nope that honor belonged to …
My NEW beautiful wonderful phone flying out of my bra and down the thirty feet to the ground below, sinking into the snow berm.
Probably you can imagine the, ahem, debate this caused. Me blaming my near death experience of being spun around, and him blaming my phone being in a place no phone should be. I’m fairly certain this is all his fault. Let’s be honest, ALL fights are all his fault.
Anyway, I am taking a poll. Whose stupidity caused the loss of a brand new phone. Me and my bra, or Alpha Man and his need to wrestle whatever moves. Go.
Posted by Jill @ 4:30 am | Make a Comment
Peggy says:
His because if he knew you then he’d know that’s where the phone would be.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 4:34 amJessica Lemmon says:
While balancing my laptop, the home phone on one ear and a coffee cup, I headed downstairs. Since I had no pockets, I balanced my cell on the rim of the coffee mug. I made it to the last step, then BLOOP! Not my brightest moment.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 4:36 amLiza says:
You carry your phone in your bra all the time. This is a known fact. Totally his fault.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 4:43 amAbby says:
It’s his fault. In general, men should know by now, that women will keep belongings in their bra if need be. Shoot, if my friends and I didn’t have small purses or pockets in our clothes, we would just stuff it in our bra when we went clubbing. lol Got your money, credit card, ipod, cell phone, etc. in there!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 4:54 amMia says:
Hm. Well in his defense, he didnt know you had your phone in your bra. So I say it was just really bad luck!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:42 amJulie says:
It is Alpha Man’s fault. First he should not have turned you upside. Second every one knows we put things on our bras when we don’t have pockets.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:54 amAngie says:
Alpha It’s by far responsible. You were responsible and adult by putting your phone in a safeplace. Lets be honest from time to time we all put the in our natural pocket.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:56 amand he was not, he was childish.
Patoct says:
His; it is always the man’s fault.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:58 amMaryAnne says:
It’s Alpha Man’s fault. Any good husband should know his wife’s tendencies. I, too, carry my phone in my bra when I go out for my ‘fast walks.’ It makes a good carry-all
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 6:04 amMelanie says:
Alpha Man. Hands down.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 6:30 amGwen R. says:
His-it’s always the man’s fault.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 6:48 amMzcue says:
I couldn’t get past the part where A-man gets a kick out of seeing you “loading wood for the gas stove.” If he’s really letting you load wood for a gas stove, then at some level he’s not being very nice. At your first opportunity you should stuff some of that snow down his boxers. Or tighty-whities, depending.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:13 amDiane Engelhardt says:
My GF Susan carries her cell phone in her bra ALL THE TIME. It’s like her normal carrying spot. I have never done this but she insists its the best place. Alpha? Totally your fault you big meanie!! So sounds like my Hubster…
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:15 amJudy F says:
I would say its his fault.. LOL
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:20 amAshley McLure says:
Definitely his. He should know by now where you keep your phone.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:21 amBarb Zachow says:
More importantly…if you were bundled up for zero (I understand that since I am a native Minnesotan) how the hell did the phone escape the cleavage?
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:25 amteresa C. says:
He should have known where that phone was..doesn’t every woman put their phone in there? When 5 out 6 of my grandkids were around 2 yrs old..they all tried putting their play phones in their bras…lol My kids were like how did they know to do that mom? idk? lol love your funny stories..hope your feeling better
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:26 amLeavesofthefall says:
ha. the man in my world wouldn’t be alive after that little stunt. there would be no argument. at any rate– always the man’s fault. always.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:27 amLeeAnn says:
HIS
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:30 amAlexis says:
Absolutely Alpha Man’s fault, he should know that you are unconventional and put your phone in your bra. BTW…I put my phone in my bra all the time, I think it’s the safest place for it!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:32 amCarla A. says:
Alpha Man…definitely
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:32 amVicki says:
Husband! Let me say this louder HUSBAND!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:33 amAmanda Scott says:
Husband – ALWAYS wrong. Wife – ALWAYS right. lol
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:34 amLala says:
His.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:34 amWas it a real question?
Shelly says:
I carry my Blackberry in my bra all the time. Not sure I’ve ever met a real Alpha guy let alone one who cared to mess with me. I hope he bought you a new cell!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:34 amTammy M. says:
Everything will always be the husband’s fault. My husband has come to except this after 11 yrs, he even jokes and says, “Managed to come back to me, huh?” BUT we have all heard about the bra pocket on this very blog, so yeah HIS FAULT! Good luck with your current phone!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:37 amAudri Cox says:
Oh absolutly Alpha Mans fault..Sorry Alpha Man but you have been with this wonderful woman for YEARS and should be very well aware of where she puts her cell phone….
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:39 amSue G. says:
I would say if he does stuff like that to you often, then should always be prepared. If it was his first time, then he is 100% WRONG!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:54 amBarb Cotter says:
For sure it is not your fault. Darned men anyway.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:54 amJen C says:
Alpha Man! I’m all about the phone in the bra.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:06 amDanee H says:
Sorry alpha man, it’s your fault. A woman’s bra is her purse. I have gotten a few odd looks. I went back to school for machining. Yeah, I’m surrounded by men and get odd looks when I pull out lipgloss, handlotion or my small ruler out if my bra. I have had to explain that I can’t carry a purse so I have to use what God gave me. I do keep my phone in my pocket though. If it falls out it would hit concrete.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:07 amSteffi K says:
almost all women put stuff in their bras its alpha mans fault for sneaking up on you in the first place
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:13 amMaxcine says:
I have never thought to put my phone in my bra, thanks for the idea. Of course, your hubby is wrong and you are right.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:16 amAngelic says:
Uh, DUH! Totally HIS fault!! Hellooo?!? UPSIDE DOWN, The same could have happened if your phone was in your pocket.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:16 amPennie says:
Really? His fault. I thought everyone carried their phone in their bra… except my daughter. She used to come up behind me in WalMart and loudly tell me my bra was ringing. Lovely child
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:27 amValerie W says:
His!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:28 amKim Murray says:
His! I carry my MP3 player in my bra all the time. Hubby knows not to even consider doing anything that makes me loose my tunes.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:35 amMy bra stores all sorts of things. LOL
Moira says:
Alpha Man for sure – you are not the only female to carry phone in the bra on Vibrate
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:40 amSusanR says:
I used to play tennis with a woman who stuck the extra ball in her shirt beneath her bra strap. It was . . . odd.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:46 amMy guy is an attorney who is VERY literal. Which makes for loads of hilarity when we have an argument. Ever try having an emotional argument with the captain of the debate team?? He’s all “but you SAID this.” And I’m all “No I didn’t. You don’t listen.” Then he proudly points out that he listens for a living and I say (as I’m leaving the room) “yeah, but I’m the mother of your children.” After several seconds of silence I hear a befuddled, “Wait, What?” The detour gets him every time.
CateS says:
totally him…
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 9:06 amAnn Henson says:
His Fault!!! For one thing, I know for a fact it is against the law of marriage to terrorize the wife. It is written in that Law of Marriage book! For another thing, MOST women keep their phones in their bras when they have no pocket or if the outline of the phone would mess up the look of their pants! Just a fact…I think that is in the book “Law of Looking Good” (Ha) So it comes down to if HE had been shoveling the snow, all would be well and he wouldn’t be at fault …at least not for the loss of your phone.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 9:10 amChristina says:
That one is all his fault. Your phone would’ve been completely safe (for now at least) if he hadn’t been swinging you around. He owes you a new one asap!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 9:51 amLora Patten says:
Well as a firm believer that we should lift up our men and not put them down, I choose to remain neutral on the blame topic or assign it to both
However if you have found the dropped phone it is still salvageable by popping the battery out of it and then putting phone and battery in a bag of dry rice (NOT the instant kind) for 24 hours as it will pull the moisture out of it and restore the functionality. I’ve done this with cell phones and media players that have been run through the washing machine or dropped in the toilet and it works like a charm 
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:09 amDeanna says:
A bra is a COMPLETELY acceptable place to hold a cell phone. This one’s all on Alpha Man.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:10 amSusan says:
Sorry, AM, it’s his fault. My sister puts her phone in her bra/cleavage while she is driving so she can talk without getting a ticket. We call it her “boob tooth”.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:38 amGina S. says:
Alpha Man was being playful so I can’t fault him just on that premise alone.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:41 amTracy says:
Cleary his fault. He didn’t just meet you…that is where you keep your phone.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:42 amVicki sandberg says:
Of course it is his fault. And you should limit his WWE watching for at least two months.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:44 ammarie says:
it is ALWAYS the fault of the guy. He scared you half to death, and he should have been doing the work in the first place. ALWAYS ALWAYS THE FAULT OF THE GUY
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 11:03 amGwen D. says:
ALWAYS the guy.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 11:15 amGlittergirl says:
Jill – you have a husband that will play with you? Forget the phone and ENJOY
I wish…
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 12:56 pmDonna M says:
I’m sure it was Alpha Man’s fault!!! Sorry Alpha Man!
I am amazed to read all the comments about keeping “stuff” in your bra! In all the many years I’ve worn one I don’t recall putting anything in mine except my boobs!!! It sounds like it would be very uncomfortable! There really should not be room for anything in there. You need a bra fitting!!!!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 12:57 pmMarcy says:
It’s Alpha Man’s fault. He knows you. He spun you around. He held you over the railing. He WASN’T doing the shoveling.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 1:51 pmHolly V says:
I know lots of women who carry their phone in their bras. What safer place can there be? Well in theory– Never planned on a man pulling that stunt.. All loss of items no matter what they may be. Breakage of items,misplacing of these things,( we all know the men move them just so we go crazy and so they can laugh) Is always their fault! Default rules guy’s.
Women’s handbook says when in doubt(never a doubt) always blame the men!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 2:18 pmJanet says:
His; reasons already listed above. Short version: totally his fault.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 2:32 pmQuilt Lady says:
His fault all the way. Let me tell you a story about putting a cell phone in your bra, very bad idea. I learned the hard way. I was doing this last summer when I was taking my two mile walk every day. I didn’t have pockets so I way putting the cell phone in my bra. I did this all summer and then one day I was in Walmart and tried to use my phone but I had no signal so when I got home my son check out my phone and it showed it had been wet. Yes sweat will kill a cell phone. Where I was walking and getting hot and sweating it fried that baby. Now its not much more then a paper wait. Ladies don’t put your cell phone in you bra. By the way Jill you should be shoveling snow with your back.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 2:32 pmGail Grainger says:
It is absolutely his fault. No question about it!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 3:05 pmSanny says:
You’re not the only one who puts her cell phone/ipod/spare $20/etc. in the “first national bank.” Me too, and most of the time, too. And yes, often on vibrate. Only trouble is when my bra rings (or plays Dragnet, or Indiana Jones theme) during a meeting at work. Ooops… Oh well.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:32 pmKathleen O says:
No contest…. Alpha Man for sure…
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 5:53 pmJudy S. says:
As others have said, and I agree: it’s ALWAYS the man’s fault
As for keeping one’s phone (or other belongings) in one’s bra…it never occurred to me. I can’t even figure out how you would fit a phone in there!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 6:11 pmDeb says:
Sorry Alpha Man can’t win this one. Now if you were holding your phone in your britches…that might be a whole different story. Lots of us use our bras for more than just keeping the girls from tripping us.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 7:34 pmaj dean says:
sorry alpha man but it was your fault. and why can’t you shake the floor or something before you throw your beautiful wife around. and cookies might help her mood after the disargement
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:03 pmGail Grainger says:
OMG, these responses are so
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:10 pmfunny!
Les says:
I would gladly get a new phone for an Alpha Man like yours. Buy Insurance and enjoy!
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 8:33 pmKathy Rando Giannone says:
Sounds like a great plotline for a story! However, it is definitely Alpha Man’s fault your new cell phone went flying. I hope he went digging after it.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 9:21 pmKelly S says:
If it was zero out and only your eye was exposed, how did the phone make its way out of your bra, out from under the long underwear/long-sleeved T-shirt, the sweater/sweatshirt, and the zipped up to the neck jacket with a possible scarf blocking the neck area?
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 9:27 pmsue hamann says:
Husbands of course. As you said, rule 1. Husband is always wrong. What I want to know is 1. why were you shoveling with your bad back, and 2. why would Alpha Man pick you up and spin you with said bad back. Bad Husband. Make it up to her.
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 10:39 pmPam Cisneros says:
Looking at this as someone who reads your books, is living single after 21 years of marriage, and is new to your blog, I have a different point of view:
I thought it was romantic that Alpha wanted to get his arms around you and spin you around out of his joy at having you in his life! The hanging you over the railing–not as romantic, but boys will be boys…losing the cell phone was unfortunate but not catastrophic (although I hope you have what’s on it backed up). Keeping a phone in your bra is entirely acceptable and logical. If blame is to be assigned–I agree that it must always be the Husband’s fault(for example,my filing for divorce is 98% my Husband’s fault).
Posted on January 31st, 2013 at 11:45 pmMelody says:
HMMMMM why pick fault enjoy your new phone and your hubby !!!!!!! Not every hubby is playful and excited to be with his wife even at the cost of a new phone. Isn’t love grand !
Posted on February 1st, 2013 at 11:40 amJessie Foster says:
alpha man – most assured! and i keep my phone in my bra too!
Posted on February 1st, 2013 at 1:46 pmBarbara Killgore says:
Well Alpha man’s of course!
Posted on February 1st, 2013 at 3:29 pmStephanie says:
I too put my phone in my bra so I really thought this was funny and I read this to my husband I say its all alpha mans fault with the spinning and all but my hubby says its all you and the bra…because he says bras have no support lol
Posted on February 1st, 2013 at 10:42 pmMona K says:
His fault of course!!!! We always get blamed for things!!! At least I do..
Posted on March 17th, 2013 at 5:40 pmIt’s totally his fault…if I don’t have pockets that’s were I put things in my bra too.