Okay so we all know strange things tend to happen to me. But what happened yesterday pretty much takes the cake.
I was walking up the trail with Ashes, like I do every single day, when all of a sudden I hear a snort. Not a growl, or a hiss, both of which are fairly common for me and tend to turn me into an Olympic speed sprinter, but a snort. Curious, I pulled off my sunglasses and looked at the strange big thing standing at the top of the trail.
From far away it looked like one of those cow statues in downtown Chicago. Bright white and black and very still.
But then the statue moved. Uh oh. I didn’t have my good camera, or my glasses, but something made me whip out my cell phone and take a pic so I could scroll in and see what I was dealing with.
As I did this, the thing started grunting some more and began running towards me.
Can you say holy shit?
I looked down at my phone and blinked in disbelief, then back up at the creature heading towards me, all the while registering that Ashes was not in any way freaked out but acting as if her long lost lover had come to visit, complete with happy ass wriggle and wide grin.
Yes, she grins.
Here’s what I saw:
A pig. It was a fat, adorable, friendly, sweet BIG ASS pig running towards me, and I’m not quite fluent in pig grunts but I think he was saying “oh thank God, a human, I’m lost, can you please be my new best friend? Oh and do you have any food?”
I sent the pic of the pig on my phone to Alpha Man’s phone. I didn’t call because he was grouting tile and I’d already called and interrupted him three times and the last time he asked me very nicely not to call him anymore unless it was an emergency.
He called me immediately. “What the hell?”
Me: Isn’t he adorable?
Him: Tell me you are not bringing a pig home.
Me: Okay I won’t tell you.
A long beat of silence. “Jill, where did that pig come from?”
Me: Well, the pig daddy and the pig mommy fell in love, and then they–
You don’t really want to know what he said to that, or the ensuing conversation, which involved a lot of me saying “he’s so cute and sad and lonely” and him saying “we cannot keep a pig in our house” and me making all sorts of promises that I had no intention of keeping, but then some lady showed up in the woods for her long lost pig.
Only in my world.