Settle this
October 7, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
Okay so if you have a significant other, and that significant other does something shocking and MAKES THE BED and you notice and think “how LOVELY” but you don’t say anything because after all, you make the bed every single day and he doesn’t mention it, would you too get annoyed when later during an argument he says “and you didn’t even thank me for making the bed”?
Inquiring minds would like to know, thank you very much.
Which brings me to another question. In your current relationship, or the last relationship you had, what is the most common thing you argue about?
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
RKCharron says:
Hi Jill
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 1:03 amGuys are insecure like that & need to know the “extra” things they do are noticed. If a guy is living alone the bed would (generally) be never made.
All the best,
RKCharron
xoxo
trish c says:
Oh yes!! That would sooo annoy me. Or like yesterday, I threw something in the general direction of the trash and it landed on the floor. My hubs thought he needed to point that out to me. I didn’t notice it hit the floor.
I made 100% certain that he knew that I could throw all the trash on the floor I wanted to damn it!! This is my house too. The day you take over paying all the bills and I don’t have to work outside the home anymore, weeelll that might be a different story,
Men are not the brightest creatures on earth.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 3:15 amKim says:
Yeah, I’d be annoyed.
Why is it that it’s just expected that the “little woman” will do everything around the house, without thanks or even reimbursement, but if the man does something absurdly small to help out, he expects a parade and the key to the city?
I think my ex-husband and I argued about the insecure male ego and the lazy-assed putz syndrome more than anything else.
And the main reason I’ve been on my own now for many years? I absolutely cannot pander to the immature male ego!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 4:09 amStephanie says:
We are totally living in parellel universes. The scene you just mentioned? Pet peeve of mine, except make that for every time he lifts a finger to do ANYthing around the house. UGH!!!
And this is pretty much what we argue about most… just a little help would be nice…
Good thing he’s adorable. ;o)
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 4:56 amapril says:
The husband annoys me by answering questions when he doesn’t listen to me. This leads to answers that do not fit the questions, answers he does not mean, and just lack of respect. We don’t argue much though. We do get annoyed often, usually retreat to a corner and let it blow over.
I helped him out with dinner last night, though, and he did thank me twice to the point it annoyed me. We so rarely thank each other that we usually take genuine gratitude as sarcasm so that’s the type of people we are.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 5:03 amAmber says:
Annoying traits….Oh let me count the ways. I get the same “I did this and you didn’t even say anything” comment. I work the same amount of hours yet I don’t complain when I have to come home and do EVERYTHING else in the house when he complains that he might have to make sandwiches for dinner… He NEVER EVER puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead he takes them off three feet away fromt he laundry basket and waits for me to pick them up. He leaves his cup on the coffee table all night! Mostly we argue about little stuff like that. His biggest complaint is that I complain about all the stuff he does all the time…lol…LOL.
One thing I will give mine is he does do the dishes at least twice a week…I mean with a dishwasher or he has the kids do them.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 5:26 amAmber says:
Oh thought of the number one pet peeve he does… I get into the car after he’s in it and the gas light goes off. EVERY time! Drives me abso-freakin-lutely nuts.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 5:28 amBooklover1335 says:
I have to agree with RK in that if your guy does something nice, but totally out of the realm of normal that you should thank him….so that they keep on doing it
On the other hand I hope he shows his appreciation for all of the daily things you do w/o thanks. If not, he should
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 5:48 amCasee says:
I think the most important thing to remember is that men are like children. They need constant reassurance. That being said, the same thing happens at my house. I’ve learned that the more I say thank you, the more he does. So I just say it even though he doesn’t thank me for every.single.thing I do.
We don’t really argue. It builds up until it blows up. Which sounds very healthy, no? I would have to say day-to-day, it’s him following through on what he said he will do.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 6:44 amKelly B says:
Hey Ms. Blogger:
Nah, I would not get annoyed, hell I would be so pleased if he actually made the bed I would call and tell everyone about it after I took pics and posted them to face book so the whole world would know my amazing guy finally, finally, learned how to make the bed. I would walk around for days shaking my head at the wonder of it all telling complete strangers about it. Nah, I wouldn’t get mad, but I would expect it EVERYDAY from that day on and I would tell him how proud of him I was that after all of these years he had mastered this amazing feat and what a big boy he was!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 6:54 amSabrina says:
Sorry Jill, I know I’m the minority opionion here but I would have thanked him. If he does something out of the ordinary, he wants you to notice. I thank my husband when he cooks dinner and he used to thank me whenever I would drive. The only reason he doesn’t thank me anymore is because I don’t allow him to drive since I got my Jeep almost a year ago.
In 12 years of marriage my husband and I have only had one memorable fight and that was over the fact that he never fights with me!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:01 amJill Shalvis says:
Kelly B … LOLOLOL!!!! You are right. I should definitely have patted him on the head. And taken pictures. And expect it every day from this day forward.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:02 amAshley says:
Well, I (mean bitch) would have gotten mad and pointed out that I do it everyday and I don’t get an award for it or any recognition at all for that matter!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:29 amWell, my DH of 10 years and I, we don’t fight much, just bicker really! An example would be: the other night after supper, he was finished before me and the little one and took his plate and sat it on the counter, opened the dishwasher, looked in, looked up and asked “what’s with this are they clean or just full and needs to be turned on”. I responded “clean”, and he closed the door and started to walk off. I then stated very sarcastic like that he could :gasp: empty it! He laughed and said “Why would I want to do that when you can?” I just laughed shook my head and said “I know right”!! Cause after I’ve been working all day I so look forward to coming home and cooking and doing dishes, it’s like my number one favorite thing EVER!!!
Wow, sorry I got carried away, I have a short story here!
Tina says:
Ya know it’s funny, yesterday, I had a really bad heachace and went to bed about 4pm. The husband not only went with The Girl to get her school fundraiser cookie dough but stoped and picked up supper.
Color me SHOCKED & AMAZED. I was so grateful, not only did I thank him once but I kept bring it up. “I can’t belive you thought about supper, thank you for bring home supper”
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:33 amJennifer says:
Oh don’t EVEN get me started on this… WHY OH WHY is it that I clean and do dishes and do laundry and cook… but this is expected of me, even though most of it isn’t my mess. Then when DH actually throws away a freakin’ wrapper I’m supposed to do cartwheels and reward him because he is “helping out”?! UGH! How is this fair when most of the mess is HIS?!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:37 amJoyce Z says:
I’m the 1st one out of bed each morning, and yet I’m the one that makes the bed. Something is wrong with that picture! We’ve been married 18 years and we never fight about money or sex (the most popular arguements)we fight about LAUNDRY or more accurately the lack of clean laundry. We fight alot less now that I showed him how to wash his own clothes and not ask me 10 minutes before he needs to leave the house if his work jean are clean!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 8:11 amSabrina says:
Joyce,
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 8:23 amI had the same problem with my husband! When we were dating he came over one day with his work clothes that needed to be washed for later that day. I showed him the laundry room and thought he knew what he was doing. I found out the hard way that he had never done laundry before. Apparently he thought Clorox was detergent!
Christina T. says:
My hub insists that I do not know how to do yard work correctly. However each time he does the yard work, I am supposed to say how wonderful it looks and what a good job he did. Do you think I get any praise for washing the floors on my hands and knees. No No I do not.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 8:26 amcursingmama says:
We used to have this argument a lot – and sometimes still do when it comes to something like laundry or vacuuming; however I have always firmly stated that there are no assigned duties in the house just things that we each tend to do. After 18 years we seem to have come to an unspoken agreement, if I do something he usually does (pooper scooper duty) he thanks me and if he does something I usually do (vacuuming) I thank him.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 8:30 amBut, yes, it does bother me that there is an expectation of “thanking” for what should be a joint kind of thing.
Mo says:
okay, wow, I guess I am lucky and need to hug my helpful hubby more. I do not thank him for what he does around the house and he doesn’t expect it. I do however tell him I appreciate him doing his share as encourageent for him to continue. One house rule is the cook don’t clean and since I love to cook he gets to clean up the kitchen most of the time. He does a way better job then I ever do.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 9:13 amTrish says:
Air conditioning. We argue about a/c. We’ve been married 40 years and are past the point of bickering about $$, kids and/or the dog. He likes a/c. I hate being cold. Our arguments go like this – we pass in the hall – I say an offensive remark – he repeats said offensive remark to me. I say “Want some ice cream?” He says “Sure but please don’t turn up the heat because eating ice cream makes you cold”. I say okay and do it anyway. The end.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 9:34 amTreasia/TruckersWife says:
As much as I hate to say it men expect to be thanked for all those little things. We are never thanked though as it’s taken for granted. But in order for my husband to do more of those household related chores I do thank him profusely for them.
Then he actually starts doing them more often. But honestly my Trucker does as much around the house as I do.
Arguments? What are those? We’ve never had one.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 9:48 amkayla kacer says:
the laundry because it always takes me forever to do it and when i do hang it up its wrinkly and like 9 at night and he gets mad because i had two whole days to do it and its like hello you don’t even help with it hardly at all lol and then when he does help its to put stuff in dryer or to hang up “his” clothes. never mine. he says my clothes confuse him. ugh
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 9:52 amErin E. says:
My driving.
My guy is constantly telling me when to brake, when to go, who is where. Drives me crazy!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 10:20 amKimberlyH says:
We like to fight over who has to make dinner… or who has to go pick up the take out. We are both just a liiittttlllleeee bit lazy. haha
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 11:03 amThe person who caves first usually makes dinner (aka the person who is about to go crazy from hunger).
We also fight over who has to pick up the dog poop in the yard. No one wants to do that!
Crystal says:
I haven’t had an argument in just over two years – not since the judge said “Divorce granted, you may resume use of your maiden name as of today.”
The alimony is all the thanks I never got in 20 years.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 11:45 amBrandy says:
We don’t fight, we may disagree, but we don’t fight. And I know what you mean. I am a SAHM and I do EVERYTHING, including yard work. For the past YEAR I have been asking hubs to help me paint the LR. Has it been done? No. I just can’t hold a paintbrush long these days and he doesn’t seem to care. I will admit he is lazy. However, he did make dinner last night when I had a sinus headache.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 12:28 pmDonna M says:
An interesting discussion. Since my ex & I separated in 1980 I don’t have to argue with anyone about what does or does not get done. The kids are also grown & gone, there is just me & I never argue with myself. Cleaning house is one of my least favorite things, ick!
If it doesn’t get done it will still be there tomorrow. I won’t bore you with things that were “discussed” sometimes loudly while we were married! I try to remember what was good. The last relationship I had was a long time ago, darn!, but it was fun, he is a great guy, we are still friends and were before. We didn’t argue we just had a good time.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 12:41 pmShannon McKelden says:
Yes, I would be annoyed. I would tell him he would get a thank you from me for making the bed when I got daily thank yous for making the bed, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, doing the dishes, etc.
Oh, and we fight most about money. He spends too much. Talk about role reversal! LOL
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 12:46 pmLiza says:
Single girl here, but I know from my brother, brother-in-law, and dad that you have tell them great job if they do anything around the house. My sister and I could empty the dishwasher everyday for a year, but if they load it on any one day, you better say thanks or they act like big babies.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 1:56 pmMaura Anderson says:
Mine is actually pretty easy going about the bed and such, thankfully. But he’s king of pointing out a mess but refusing to do anything about it, instead waiting for me to clean it up. Grrrrr
We fight most about his use of the royal “we”. “WE need to do X.” or “WE need to remember to go to the store.” or “Did WE pay this bill?” I HATE IT. What it really means is that he wants ME to do it. Now he does that and I respond with some variant of “oh good, thanks for volunteering to do that.” or “I don’t know about WE since *I* pay all the bills.”
It’s a hot button now
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 2:03 pmlimecello says:
lol yes – I’d be really annoyed. You definitely win this one, Jill!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 3:21 pmtrish c says:
Jill, I would say your question definetly hit a nerve!
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 3:46 pmWendyS says:
I not only would have thanked him, I would have laid a big kiss on my guy! In fact, that is exactly what I do for ANYTHING he does….like change the oil in my car. I could do it, but I choose not to! It makes it easier to ask for help when I need it, cuz he knows he’s gonna get a kiss or something more!
And if I’m feeling I need a little appreciation I say out loud (cheerful voice) “I thank me for making dinner” (or whatever I’m doing). To which he will reply, in that slow laid back manner “thank you for making dinner”. Hey, it’s better than getting mad and fighting about it. Think Pavlov’s dog…positive reinforcement does work! 
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 4:44 pmKarin says:
It might be annoying, yes, but I have to agree with Kelly B. Expecting it every day from that day forward is the best way to react.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 4:47 pmCelise says:
I wouldn’t get annoyed because my hubby would mention it first. Like he should get a gold star or something. As for the argument, I would say it’s the fact that we don’t listen to each other. Sometimes he’ll have to repeat himself because I didn’t hear him and then he gets all mad when I say “What?” Or he’ll get mad when I respond to something that he said, but it’s the wrong response because I didn’t hear what he said. “If you didn’t hear me, why didn’t you just say ‘What’?” he says. Um…because you get mad, irritatated, annoyed, insert your own word here.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 4:59 pmtennismom mary g says:
OMG – read an article on this. The gist: If you thank him for doing everyday stuff that you do everyday it gives the message that its normally your job & he’s doing you a favor. Hubby is a good guy but doesn’t know how to say sorry but my biggest peeve is me being the bad guy with our almost 20 year old son. We could be bickering back & forth & hubby never steps in to help or take my side so he looks like the hero.
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:32 pmPat L. says:
Putting thins off forever. WE had the cesspool pumped a few months before my daughter got married and asked hubby to please put some grass seed down on the two areas – well it is 4 1/2 years later and go you think the seed is down? And of course when he wants something done, it has to be done pronto. What is wrong with that scenario?
Posted on October 7th, 2009 at 7:38 pmDeb says:
In my experience, men want a freaking ticker-tape parade every time they do something even remotely out of the ordinary. This is something I say quite often, actually. “What – you want a freaking parade or something?”
I have been married 16 years and the ONE thing that we argue about, and have always argued about is Division of Labor.
Posted on October 8th, 2009 at 10:41 amFedora says:
Maybe you could get a sheet of gold star stickers or those “good job” ones like teachers use and slap one of those on him when he does something “extra”
It’s funny how division of labor ends up working out in most households! I’m thankful that my husband tends to do a ton without any prompting; I’m almost embarrassed at it. So we don’t tend to fight over that; our disagreements are mainly over clutter–he’s a neatnik; I’m a packrat. Oops.
Posted on October 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pmKristina says:
The biggest fight in my house is usually brought on by a family member, the fact of being easy and walked on or the annoying i got in a fight with my wife. (And need to use your couch) Then of course they never listen to house rules! LOL (And are usually sloppy!!!!)
Posted on October 8th, 2009 at 8:31 pmShana says:
After a really long and hard first marriage that ended in a divorce I learned to pick my battles.. I can’t think of anything my new husband we really fight over.. We both do our share around the house, and say alot of thank you’s to each other.. Many things are just not worth battling over… Life is way too short..
Posted on October 8th, 2009 at 8:47 pmDanna says:
I’ve been married over 50 years…love your books and my husband makes the bed EVERY DAY! He also irons his own shirts (because I caught him re-ironing a shirt a looong time ago & haven’t touched the ironing board since). My friends can’t believe him…sometimes I can’t either!
Posted on October 11th, 2009 at 6:29 pmJL says:
The majority of the fights Hubby and I have these days are about my brother & sister-in-law. Loooooooong story.
Posted on October 12th, 2009 at 7:49 pm