Latest I Love Lucy Adventure
September 28, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
So why do I hang out with Alpha Man again? Anyone? On Saturday afternoon he talked my sorry tired ass into going to the lake for a paddleboard ride. Because I had claimed “tired”, I let him haul both paddleboards from the truck to the lagoon’s edge.
I carried the paddles.
Hey, someone had to do it.
The lagoon is shielded, protected and very very quiet waters. After about two minutes of this, Alpha Man decided that the lagoon was for little girls, and he wanted to get out onto the open waters.
Actually, he didn’t say “little girls”, he said something else that I’m pretty sure I can’t type here. Then he flashed me the coaxing smile and tried to get me to agree to leave the lagoon. Which is a little bit like leaving a bathtub for the Nile. But because I’m a sucker, I followed.
Followed.
Because Alpha Man has to be in the lead, in charge and in control. Damn Alpha-ness.
I looked across the huge lake and took a big gulp. It was like a mile and it was deep and choppy and there were big boats and I didn’t wanna. I wanted to keep going along the quiet lagoon, you know, where it was SAFE.
So not a complete jerk, Alpha Man slowed down and gave me that charming smile and the “honey you can totally do this” when really he just wanted me to hurry the hell up so he could get his adrenaline rush and thrill.
So fine. I went. We were about a quarter of a mile across, with me going ”oh god oh god oh god I’m going to die” all the way and he’s trying to be all encouraging with the “you’re doing great, your paddle is backwards, you really are doing great” and ruining the whole thing by cracking his ass up every time I dropped my paddle.
And then he made it all worse by yelling back a vague sort of “last one across owes” and we all know what he meant by “owes”, just as we all know exactly who was going to be last one across. The guy is like a foot taller and had a hundred pounds on me.
I might have snapped. I might have yelled “just once I’d like it if you were sweet and sensitive and … and BETA!”
And he blinked, all surprised to find me a tad bit out of sorts. Men. Are. Clueless.
Oh and just so we’re clear, I did win, even if to secure the win I flat out cheated and there might have been flashing involved. Point is, he had to buy me Panda Express. Although if he happens by here today, I’m just kidding. I didn’t cheat at all and I owe nothing.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Judy F says:
I am glad you survived. You are much braver then me
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 2:54 amStacy ~ says:
So glad you won, Jill *g* A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 3:10 amKate Hardy says:
Jill, you had me laughing out loud with this one! Great post. You really are fabulous, you know that? Thanks for putting some sparkle into the day
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 4:16 amArkansasCyndi says:
Flashing isn’t cheating. It’s using your assets to their fullest.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 4:23 amTerry L. says:
…and it sounds as if he really likes your assets..
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 4:40 amBooklover1335 says:
Jill,
You should publish all of these I Love Lucy moments.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 5:00 amGlad you survived…and hey all’s fair in love and war. Once again you made my Monday
Erika says:
LOL, flashing your assets is a perfectly legitimate move. I don’t think it counts as cheating at all!
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 5:07 amAmber says:
I’m all about winning. I didn’t expect the flashing, I was expecting you to knock him off his with your paddle to finish first..haha.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 5:09 amtennismom says:
I would love to know what would have happened if he flashed you back.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 5:56 amLiza says:
Flashing is totally within the rules of war between men and women. If you didn’t hit him with your paddle, you didn’t cheat. Thanks for the laugh Jill!
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 6:01 amAllie says:
He should know by now, what with the extra height and muscle he’s got, you’re going to do *something* in order to even things up… It’s not cheating. It isn’t.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 7:30 amPatty L. says:
What a great way to start my day. Sounds like a wonderful day and remember nothing is off limits when the gaunlet has been thrown down.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 7:50 amAshley says:
Y’all are a trip! How many of the boaters got a “free show”? lol
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 8:00 amThis “little girl” would have stayed in the lagoon, so Jill you won just for braving the big water!!
Donna M says:
You go girl…however you need to!! Loved your latest I Love Lucy adventure. Your post today just proves to us, once again, what a wonderful story teller you are. I love your books, can’t wait to start on Double Play this weekend.
Love the new book covers posted on the website. That gives us something to look forward to.
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 10:43 amD says:
Way to go Jill!!!! It’s not how you play the game it’s whether you win or lose!!
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 10:44 amBrandy says:
It’s not cheating if he knew you would have to do something about the unfair advantage he had. HE was cheating. You just evened thing out, that’s all. *G*
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 10:50 amKarin says:
Definitely sounds like an adventure! lol
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 11:27 amKristina says:
Very Nice! LOL
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 11:46 amtrish c says:
Ummm, Why do you hang out with Alpha Man. Must be love!!!
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 3:06 pmWendyS says:
Too funny! Thanks for the smile!
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 7:27 pmNicole S says:
Hey it’s not cheating if you had a wardrobe malfunction
Posted on September 28th, 2009 at 9:00 pm