September 3, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
For five years now I have been taking phone calls from distraught girls asking for you. We’ve never met, Drew, but here’s what I know about you. You party on the weekends and give girls your fake cell phone number.
And here’s the problem. The fake cell phone number you always dish out?
It’s mine.
Monday mornings are the worst. The girls INSIST that you call them back. Sometimes I tell them they have the wrong phone number. Sometimes I tell them that Drew doesn’t exist. Sometimes I tell them that they’ve been “wrong numbered”. Sometimes, when they won’t give up, I come right out and tell them that you are an ass.
They never want to believe me. I guess you know how to poor on the charm.
But five years? Come on, Drew. Say it with me now. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to look the girls in the face and tell them the truth — that you are never going to see them again. Please? Or better yet, come up with a new fake number.
Barring that, I’m going to need payment for all this counseling I’m dishing out to these poor girls. I take Visa, Mastercard, and cookies, preferably home-made chocolate chip.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
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Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 1:07 amJudy F says:
You need to put something on your voice mail mesg. Like if you are calling for Drew this isn’t his number and if you see him again smack him one. Or better (i am so not a writer)
Ps. Ashes ate your brownies? did she get sick?
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 3:00 amLiza says:
Drew is an ass. I think your message should say if you are calling for Drew, you’ve been wrong numbered. I do like the idea of telling them to smack him next time, Judy.
Hope Ashes is ok. We had a dog eat an entire chocolate cake one time and he never got sick.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 5:25 amD says:
Definitely an ass. His real name probably isn’t even Drew. You gotta admit Ashes has good taste in snacks(lol)
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 6:03 amAshley says:
Wow, five years? What a skank player. Maybe next time you get a phone call you should go all “crazy girlfriend” on them! “That sorry, lying ass sack of shit promised me he’d never do this again!” That might save you some explanations and therapy sessions, cause I’d hang up for sure!!
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 6:09 amNicole says:
Poor you! But Jill… isn’t this a story waiting to be told? It would serve this cheeky player right if you used him as inspiration!
Our last home phone number was the OLD number for the local animal control. We recieved calls daily. “We have a dog on our front porch. Can you come get him?”
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 6:16 amsls-rainey says:
Only you could find some “Lucy” in a phone number. I like the idea of pretending your the girl friend. What about “Pastor Drew would never do such a thing! Stop calling this number.” Maybe not that may require even more councling.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 7:36 amlimecello says:
Holy cow. Drew is a major asshat. The least he could do is use the rejection hotline number. (Which looks like a real number so you can fake people out.)
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 9:28 amI get calls to a law firm all the time. (People don’t add the 1-800) – I used to tell them, but I’ve since gotten annoyed at the law firm, so I figure if they want their clients business, they should tell them the proper number.
Sadly, you can’t even have that little bit of revenge.
trish c says:
Oh my god!!! Hard to fathom. Poor Jill. Just hang up.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 9:44 amErin says:
LOL, sounds like Drew has some class….yes that was sarcasm. What I’d do is like many who already suggested, turn it to your favor, put it in a story, be the wife/girlfriend or what not. Personally I like the Paster Drew part myself.
Or as someone who worked in an adult store, and was asked what type of dancers we had that night constantly (Fetish store does not equal dancers/strippers but people never learn) I’d tell them we had Latino Midgets from South America or Furies. Strange enough after a while the phone calls stopped
Loved how there was always a long pause then they would hang up!
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 10:14 amDonna M says:
Drew should be dunked in Donner Lake!! In the deepest, coldest part!! Love the suggestion that you play the crazy girlfriend or maybe wife! Too funny!! Drew better hope he never meets you or Alpha Man!
Erin, you really made me laugh!
There is a jack hammer going in my neighborhood that is driving me crazy!
I know someone is just doing their job but pleaassse stop! Oh, guess what. They just turned it off, maybe it is the lunch break!! 
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 11:14 amErin says:
Donna, Glad I could make you laugh. I hope the jack hammering doesn’t last long…and enjoy your peace and quiet while you can.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 11:18 amBrandy says:
I know how you feel. We have had our home number for over 5 years, since we bought and moved into our house. For over five years now we’ve received phone calls from EVERYONE (but most of all bill collectors) for the people who had our number before us.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 1:14 pmNext time ask if they’ve seen Drew recently, that he’s behind in his child support. *G*
Karin says:
LOL
Jill, you have to put up with some crazy stuff. I doubt I’d have the patience to be as nice as you’ve been to those girls for the last 5 years. After the first one I’m sure I’d be pretty harsh. Stupid Drew and other males who act like him.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 1:46 pmSusan says:
Drew is the type that gives men a bad reputation.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 pmKristina says:
That’s hilariously sad! I think I just made that emotion up! But everyone here should understand!!!
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 pmtennismom mary g says:
I don’t get it. If I was one of those girls I would have gotten the hint the first time I heard “you’ve got the wrong number”. I have a really easy phone number. People ask me if it ever belonged to a pizza takeout company. I say no – we bought in a new subdivision & were the first to have the number LOL.
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 7:06 pmTracy S says:
Brandy, I get calls from bill collectors all the time, but for a different reason. I have a very common last name and lucky me, another person with my name used to live in my town~of 1,500. And she didn’t pay her bills apparantly. I’m so sick of having to call these people back and let them know that no I wasn’t born in 1967 and not the last 4 numbers of my SSN are not XXXX.
And then get talked to like I’m some kind of loser, they obviously don’t believe me despite the fact that I have one of the most common last names in America!
UGH.
Drew sounds like a real prize!
Posted on September 3rd, 2009 at 9:47 pmbonita says:
Two phone numbers ago I used to receive calls @ midnite or 1am—It was always the same drunk, asking for the same girlfriend. It was before caller ID and it got to be scary. . . Even more scary were the daytime calls during which the Corrections Operator would ask if I would accept charges from inmate {name}. And people wonder some of us screen our calls!!!
Posted on September 5th, 2009 at 7:20 pm