July 1, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
So I’m home alone trying on my conference clothes from last year, trying to decide if I have to brave the mall for this year’s conference. There’s good news and bad news. Good news, my little black dress still fits. Yay me.
Bad news? I hear something outside and I’m alone. Still wearing the little black dress, I grab the Mag-lite and tiptoe out onto my deck in the pitch black night. I shine the light down on my driveway and find . . .
A bear.
Yes, there’s a big fat ass bear sitting in the center of my driveway, his legs straight out in front of him, my trash from the entire week spread out like a smorgesbord, and he’s moaning in pleasure as he leisurely makes his way through it all.
And yes, I realize smoregesbord is spelled wrong and I don’t care at the moment.
I’m still home alone, which means there’s no Alpha Man here to set off a firecracker at the bear’s ass and scare it off. I tried yelling and Mr. Bear just craned his neck and laughed at me.
Laughed.
Probably it was the little black dress and the tube socks and the wild hair. Apparently he didn’t get the memo about the crazy writer on deadline, and how laughing at her is a big mistake. I marched back out there with a bottle rocket and the matches and I proceeded to accomplish nothing but nearly light myself on fire. So I gave up on that I Love Lucy adventure and went for my camera. Problem is, it’s a pitch black night. No moon, heavy cloud cover and no starlight.
So you’re just going to have to trust me when I tell you this dude is huge and he has an ass the size of a VW Bug. There’s no way HE’D fit into last year’s little black dress.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Judy F says:
Big Congrats on the little black dress.
Sorry about the bear, I am sure he wasn’t laughing at you.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 2:51 amStacy ~ says:
Yay on the dress. That’s a beautiful thing. So glad the bears doesn’t have dibs on it. Though I’m sure he was very jealous.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 3:09 amDru says:
Congrats on you fitting in your little black dress.
Maybe the bear thought he too could fit into your dress.
Have a good day.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 4:29 amLiza says:
Always great to fit into the little black dress from last year.
I guess the bear didn’t appreciate the look of the tube socks with the little black dress.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 5:47 amMelissa says:
So glad you didn’t burn down the forest. How embarrassing to end upon the evening news in tub socks, little black dress and crazy hair! lol
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 6:35 amcheryl c. says:
Forget the bear…I wish we had a picture of your cute self in a black dress and tube socks!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 10:24 amBooklover1335 says:
…..sorry I am still laughing
We don’t have bears here, just raccoons, and right now I am very thankful for that!
Have a great time at your conference!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 10:28 amDonna M says:
Thank heavens I did not see any bears while I was in Oregon!! They are there though!! So glad you didn’t start a fire trying to scare off the bear. You should not have such good garbage!!
I need the laughing icon!! They disappeared! Anyway, so glad you got into the “little black dress” that always makes a person feel good. I’m laughing picturing you in the black dress with tube socks & wild hair. Wish I was going to RWA again this year as I would love to see you & others again not to mention getting to go to Washington DC. Have fun & give us full reports.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 10:57 amDonna M says:
Now the icons are there!! I don’t get it!!!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 10:57 amDee says:
Hmm… I don’t like bears [see today's blog - my kids are camping in the mountains! where there are bears!] but maybe one of those obnoxious stadium horns would do the trick?!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 11:08 amRobin says:
Woo hoo on the dress! See, cookies aren’t fattening!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 11:08 amChristina T. says:
it is always nice to fit into last years clothes. and can I ask why fictionwise does not have Instant grad. or Double play ywt for me to buy!! it is making me crazy.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pmBrandy says:
Yay on the little black dress still fitting! I think the bear was just jealous that you were so dressed up and he wasn’t. *G*
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pmKarin says:
Oh my goodness! The description of yourself trying to scare off the bear makes me smile. It’s great that the little black dress fits!
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 2:57 pmKris says:
LOL, a picture to remember.
Congrats on fitting in the dress
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 5:59 pmCassie says:
Congrats on the dress.
Love the bear stories.
I’ll be in the crowd rooting for you during the Ritas. See you in DC.
Gotta find Shadow Hawk… that’s my boyfriend.
BTW I must have missed you putting the cover up for Slow Heat. Your books have great covers.
Posted on July 1st, 2009 at 10:04 pm