June 22, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
Oldest was home from UCLA for ten days. During that time, she recovered from finals, had the stomach flu, hurt her back, lost Mountain Barbie, had her heart bruised, and worse, had to unload the dishwasher for her mother several times.
Yesterday morning, we put her back on a plane to go to summer school.
But now that she’s back at school without any sort of significant break after a very tough freshman year, she’s feeling alone down there. No friends and no family. And that’s a crappy place to be. So I thought maybe we could all give her our tricks for dealing. With loneliness, stress, or whatever you’re dealing with. Surely in our age and wisdom, we have something to impart, something to share.
I’ll go first. My first line of defense is . . . cookies. Always. My favorite is Mother’s Double Fudge but I can no longer get them so I have to make due with Chip Ahoy’s chocolate chip. Since this is apparently not a normal or healthy way of dealing, I will add that my second line of defense is walking in the woods.
I’m pretty sure there’s no woods at UCLA. Which is where you, my wonderful friends and readers come in.
What’s your favorite way of dealing with crapola, whatever that crapola might be?
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Shayera says:
I go to the movies or go bowling when life’s getting me down. The bowling helps most when I want to throw things at somebody.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 1:06 amWendy says:
My first line of defense is well, reading. Does Oldest like to read? (with an author as a mom! that wouldn’t be surprising?
) Reading an old favorite is a great way to escape. I also buy a pint of my favorite ice cream, a few funny movies and shut myself out in my room, which totally helps! 
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 3:03 amMaureen says:
Oldest has my sympathies because summer should be a fun time. I know when my daughter has any free time she immediately fills it up, usually with a project. It could be something like a scrapbook or digital frame or it could be a whole new life changing theme like a new diet and exercise program.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 3:35 amKate Hardy says:
Healthy, right? I’ve just discovered the joys of making my own ice cream. 0% fat Greek yoghurt, strawberries and a little sugar and lemon juice – and it tastes fantastic. Summer on a spoon.
Or music. Either playing guitar and singing along (always works), or if I can’t play for some reason then just putting something upbeat on the stereo and dancing round the room.
Or baking cookies. (It’s the smell of vanilla as they’re cooking. Plus the fact I know I get a treat…)
Hope she feels brighter soon.
Hugs, Kate x
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 3:37 amKim says:
In no particular order:
Sugar (as in cake, cookies, dark chocolate), walking/hiking, nature photography (I usually haul my camera gear around with me on a daily basis), my three cats, reading, listening to jazz.
I hope her spirits perk up soon.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 amLaura says:
Does she have a beach near here. That’s almost as good at the woods.
Aside from that, movies or reading work for me too.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 amJamie says:
youtube videos – especially clips of comedians like Jeff Dunham or of little kids saying or doing funny things – are usually good for a laugh in my house.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:34 amLove to offer more suggestions, but I have to go clean yogurt out of my kid’s eyes and nose. He’s having trouble with the concept of feeding himself.
Booklover1335 says:
Reading romance is my pick me up, and eating cookies
But if she is looking for someway to get out and meet people, volunteering for something she finds interesting is a great way to meet new people, maybe make some friends, and fill up some of the time that she is feeling lonely.
Or maybe you can plan a short vacation to UCLA to visit her to give her something to look forward to, and as a getaway for your family.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:49 amev says:
Tell her to call my daughter who is over in Burbank for school & living in Northridge and 3000 miles from home. They can commiserate. She has the same problem. Will be home this weekend for one week and then back for summer classes. Not home again until Xmas either.
It hasn’t been easy for either of us, I just have to remind myself that she is doing what she wants and going to school for what she has always desired.
Mine reads, listens to music and TV. She got tired of the party kids who all started at the same time in Jan as she did and now keeps more to herself or with the older ones at school. She even managed to make friends with someone doing their Master’s at AFI and work on a movie there. Nice.
And when she is home, she still has to take out the garbage and clean the litterbox.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 amlimecello says:
Eek – no friends and family is tough. Can she shop around for student orgs to join? I know campuses usually clear out over the summer… I never really loved my roommates/dorm-mates- or classmates, but I found friends in groups I joined.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 5:14 amOtherwise – reading, exploring campus for “secret spots” – places she enjoys for studying, reading, or just chilling out.
Julie H says:
This is my suggestion…it will require Alpha Man’s credit card.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 5:37 amHere is what I do..my husband is deployed to Iraq…we have 5 children…when I get overwhelmed…or feel cranky..I shop! Online…where there is just a plethora of stores..haha
Mostly for the kids or for my husband..but if it is a really down day..I shop for me!
Oldest…buy yourself something wild that will make you smile everytime you look at it…and remind you of how much you are loved!!
Teeny says:
This sounds stupid but having a good cry always makes me feel better! And/or any of the following: a nice bath, a good book, a hot cup of tea, and lots of cake.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 amDee B. says:
Going to the beach or a pool with a book. That’s a good way of meeting people too.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 5:55 amLisa Freeman says:
I pull out my comfort reads – and gorge on Kraft caramels!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 5:57 amJen R. says:
My greatest stress relief is to grab a book and read. Second place would be grabbing my camera, going for a long walk, and taking as many pictures as I can.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:22 amNell Dixon says:
I’m not sure mine is very helpful but I buy underwear, nothing like buying pretty knickers to make you feel good. I also paint my toenails all kinds of strange and sparkly colours.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 amCathie says:
Reading!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 amReading!
Reading!
Reading!
I pick up a book and escape. Always.
Fannie says:
A good book, cold soda, pizza, cookies and a cool shady spot on the creek bank. I mostly go about 10 miles to the Great Smoky Mt. National Park. There are some wonderful spots there. I get my crying out of the way so I can enjoy the peace I find there. Hope Oldest finds her special place soon. Hugs to her and all of you.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:35 amLiza says:
If I lived near a beach, I would walk on the beach every single day. Since I don’t, I’m stuck with the treadmill or walking in the crazy heat we have right now in TN.
I also read to escape all the crapola. Something about going somewhere else, even just on paper, makes the crap seem less important.
Good luck to Oldest! I did summer school every year when I was in college and pretty much slept for 2 months after I graduated. After that point, my dad made me get a job.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:44 amAshley says:
Lately for me it’s putting my iPod in the docking station in the kitchen and dancing with my son while we make blueberry muffins for breakfast. Music is my main source for calm, then reading. Watching movies also, I can’t wait until tomorrow, Confessions of a Shopaholic is out on DVD!! I loved the book so I can’t wait to see the movie. If I were her, with access to the beach, it would be me, a lounge chair, and a book, and the four of us would have a date. She could study or relax and get a tan at the same time!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 amAng says:
wow..summer school away from home..I remember those days. Here is a list of a few things I did.
1. Art galleries/museums (many are free and air conditioned).
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 7:16 am2. Went to any and all “performances in the part” be it theatre or music.
3. Went to the zoo & watched animals(human and nonhuman)
4. Volunteered at an animal shelter.
5. Did tutoring for school kids (helped me realize that I am not completely dumb like I felt most days)
6. Read, read, read.
7. Looked for out of the way things to do. If she is in LA what about La Brea Tar Pits?
cursingmama says:
I’m a fan of cookies, ideally a lot of girl scout cookies while reading. However, knowing that prescription isn’t the healthiest pick me up I would also like to mention the popular sitting in the sun with some favorite pick me up music (nothing sad or sappy)~ a good dose of sunlight & vitamin D usually helps me unwind and rid myself of stress.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 7:36 amPatricia says:
Sorry about Oldest’s loneliness. Because of bad feet I no longer can do this, but, I swear by a regular jogging program, which I did every weekday for 5 years. Obviously, it’s good for one’s health, but, better yet, it takes away a person’s depressed state. You always hear about endorphins, but, it’s true–when you jog, you just feel more optimistic, happier & good about yourself. If she can’t do this, maybe UCLA has a swimming program she can do laps. Exercise is good for your health, but, best for your head. I highly recommend it. But, she should also be certain that where she’s jogging doesn’t put her safety in jeopardy. UCLA is beautiful, but, any place isolated, she should be careful.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 7:44 amsls-rainey says:
A good book in a quiet comfy place, Music, or a walk in nature (park, beach, woods, whatever you can get)
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 7:52 amAnna Adam says:
I took time off after high school before college, and I ended up stationed in Iceland in the Navy, at 18. I was very alone, really far from anywhere or anyone or pretty much anything I knew, but excited, cause it was all new.
Anyway, I did all the things I’d always wanted to do, but for some reason, never took the time to do. That meant anything I was curious about I looked at. Pretty easy in Iceland, where there are geothermal pools and ice and lava (and a national forest of–at the time–64 five-feet-tall trees), but I found myself doing the same thing a few years ago when my husband’s job took us to TX for a few years. Botanical gardens, different churches, museums, movies, markets. It doesn’t have to cost much–or anything. Even the tiny town we live in now has a website with “105 things to do.” It started out at 100, but people keep finding things to add. Sometimes goofy things, but surely UCLA or Los Angeles has info on little known things to do in the area.
Wishing oldest the best. It’s a difficult, if really exciting, place to be.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 amKara says:
I did the same thing when I was at college – went to summer school – and yes it does get lonely. As others have said here – what I did was read, read and read some more. Nothing like getting lost in a good book – I bought sacks of them from flea markets.
The other thing – if it doesn’t hurt her studies – maybe a small part-time job – or volunteering was another great suggestion. I worked on campus.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 amLinda Henderson says:
I know this makes me sound like a total suck-up, but seriously when I need to get my mind off all the bad,sad & depressing stuff I pick up a book and loose myself for a while. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me through the day. I’ve been reading massive amounts of books all my life and one of the hardest things I faced a couple of years ago was I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and my hands were so bad, before they found anything to help me, that I could’nt hold a book to read. I know that sounds like a trivial thing compared to some of the other things I’ve went through (two divorces and a granddaughter in the NICU born at 23 weeks NOW) but reading has been my crutch for most of my crappy childhood and sometimes crappy adulthood. So, in closing I would say, “Pick up a good book and loose yourself”.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 amJL says:
When I was in college, I would read an old favorite book to escape.
Or I colored. As in crayons and coloring books, yes.
Or I went downtown to Faneuil Hall/Quincy Market, which doesn’t help Oldest, and listened to North Shore A Cappella sing the hits from the 50s and 60s at an open-atrium restaurant. (It was great. You could feel the bass singer’s voice reverberate in the cobblestones before you could hear the group.) But it was fun. They would do this A-Cappell-eoke thing with the crowd on the song “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”
Or I went down to the beach (should be easy enough for Oldest; I went to school south of Boston), sat on the pier (if the tide was low), and blew bubbles. Get a gallon of bubble stuff, Oldest, and blow away. Works great.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 amStephanee says:
Sometimes I want to cry to get it all out, so sad music or a sad movie helps, even journaling where you can pour your heart out. Then it’s on to more upbeat stuff like a good book or upbeat movie/music, brisk walks in the sunshine. Sometimes I still can’t get my brain to turn off the repeating bad thoughts and I’ve missed whole portions of a movie or book even though I’m trying to escape. That’s when I swear by crafts. Doing something simple with your hands helps numb your brain I think. If I paint or scrapbook, my brain becomes blank and peaceful, no matter how stressed I am. I don’t knit, but I’ve heard from my friends who knit or do other crafts that the same thing happens to them.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 amcheryl c. says:
Reading is my best way to deal with stress.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 amBrandy says:
I visit my favorite blogs. I listen to my iPod while walking or jogging on the treadmill (and will be-bop all over that treadmill, too. *G*) or I read.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 amAmanda says:
Jogging/running with your ipod blaring is excellent (if ya feelin’ it and area safe!). Cleaning is another one! Music and reading are good pick me ups as long as its something upbeat/funny.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 amShelly says:
I usually spend time with my animals but if she’s in a dorm this might mean resorting to a hermit crab or gerbil.(not very cuddly) If she’s lucky, they’d let her have a cat. Add to the feel good factor by adopting it from the nearest shelter. I also tend to the garden to heal my spirits which might have to suffice as a few flowers or herbs on her window shelf.
I know an immediate pick-me-up for her…. go see The Proposal. I laughed until my sides hurt! Ryan Reynold nekid has it’s bonus’s too. (college is old enough for butt shots isn’t it?)
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 ammary beth says:
Make a new friend.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 amOne of my best college friends came from a summer Psych class. After a week of being bored to tears and talking to no one, I said hello and asked her where she was from. The only thing we had in common was we both loved books. But soon we were dancing and swimming and being crazy together.
Susan says:
When I am really down I reread Erma Bombeck books. I don’t know if they are still available. My mom got them for me over 30 years ago. They sure helped to pass time while I was in the rehab center!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 1:47 pmDee says:
Tell her to read my new book, Adopting Alesia!! [shameless plug, sorry!] also, Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk still rules.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 1:55 pmJudy F says:
Hey Jill I finally got this working here. LOL
Tell oldest that I am sorry she is away from home.
For me, reading, taking a walk, playing with my great niece works for me.
If their is an animal shelter nearby I would go visit there.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 1:58 pmSonyaM says:
Here are my favs: 1st: the beach, any beach, any where; 2. reading; 3. ice cream; 4. penguins at Sea World.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 2:17 pmLori says:
Lose myself in a good book or a really stupid movie from the 80’s. If the weather is nice I will work on my stained glass (no air conditioner yet) by the way, I heard that Kelloggs bought Mothers Cookies and re-opened the factory so you should be able to get Double Fudge pretty soon!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 pmLori says:
I think there’s a pretty common theme here that reading is a pick-me-up, LOL. But for Oldest, that may not be her drug-of-choice.
For me, it’s ice cream and books. Both get expensive, and make my butt about the size of Mt Ranier. But Oldest is still young, and can still pack on the ice cream.
Venice Beach isn’t too far. It’s a great place to go and people-watch. I always have a blast there. Oh, and Sprinkles (the famous cupcake store) is right there in Westwood!
There’s a website on campus as well – http://happenings.ucla.edu that lists a ton of stuff around.
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 3:23 pmtennismom mary g says:
I always try (doesn’t always work) to remember that there’s always someone worse off than me. Just know oldest, that you are not alone. I don’t know if you’re shy or not but try to reach out to others. They probably feel like you do. You could make a difference in someone’s life & they could make a difference in yours (like they have a cute brother or cousin LOL). Also remember the great support system you have at home. Good luck. The time will fly!!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 pmtrish says:
Books, books, books!
Stuff your head full of stories and there is no room for your own miserable thoughts.
This is how I have coped from childhood to the present.
And Oldest has a fabulous library to read from…I’m jealous!
Posted on June 22nd, 2009 at 8:06 pmCassie says:
I do one of two things.
Read, read and read. My TBR piles are so big.
Write a new story or add onto the numerous unfinished ones.
Posted on June 23rd, 2009 at 8:06 amcatslady says:
This won’t come as any surprise – reading, reading, reading. Thank god for authors – it’s gotten me through many things.
Posted on June 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 amNaoma says:
Get a cat!
Posted on June 23rd, 2009 at 6:32 pmSteph says:
1. Reading
2. Sugar. Lots of it.
3. a very long bath.
I like to combine 1 and 3 and do do before and after. Music generally helps too. find a playlist that suits what you need to hear.
Also – getting engrossed in a tv series works for the same reasons reading does. Best bet is to download or buy a show a season at a time and just marathon when you need to. Doctor Who, Firefly (both are a bit nerdy though) The Office, Alias. If you say “Well I don’t watch that much tv” well I don’t either. But pick a good one and watch a season at a time and it’ll help out. I hate trying to watch tv shows as they’re coming out, though part of that is juts the fact that I’m impatient.
Posted on June 23rd, 2009 at 6:46 pmSonya says:
Books, movies and getting out to shop and browse differents shops and areas are always my fall backs for getting through. And phone calls to great friends. It gets you through…
And Jill? I’ve spent the last month packing up and moving from Charleston, SC to San Diego. During that time, my one thing I had to do every single day was read your blog. Thanks for the laughs – in the midst of so much chaos.
I noticed you mentioned your favorite cookies are Mother’s Double Fudge (I’d never heard of this brand until you mentioned it) and you can’t get ‘em. I was shopping the Commissary today and low and behold, a huge display of Mother’s cookies including Double Fudge. I bought some and they have your name on ‘em. Let me know where to ship them and they’re yours.
Thanks again for all the laughs and for keeping it real for all of us who visit every day.
Posted on June 24th, 2009 at 5:30 pmKarin says:
Oldest definitly has my sympathies. There are a few ways I deal with stress – aside from chomping Tums a handful at a time.
My favorite is to just take a walk, in the mountains if it’s not too late for the short drive up there. If it’s too late for the drive, I settle for a walk to one of the parks close by and just sit and watch everything around me.
The other way I de-stress is to read – practically anything I can get my hands on, unless it’s sad.
Posted on June 24th, 2009 at 6:57 pm