February 26, 2009 | Filed under: Stuff
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that the following is one hundred percent true. To fully understand the following conversation between me and Alpha Man, you might want to read yesterday’s blog entry first. If you don’t wanna, suffice it to say, I ruined the finish on his brand new stairs by sitting on them.
Yes, you read that right.
Then this morning:
“Jill, come look at the stairs.”
“You told me to stay far, far away.”
“Just come look. Don’t sit, don’t touch, just look.”
I got up and looked. They were gorgeous, hard wood and shiny pretty. I had a large pretzel in one hand and my manuscript in my other. I took a bite of the pretzel and salt flew everywhere.
Alpha Man watched the flakes of salt fall to his wet stairs. The muscles in his jaw got all bunchy.
“Sorry,” I said, bending over to see if I could blow away the salt. That’s when my manuscript flew out of my hand, and all two hundred and seventy five pages fell onto the second to bottom step and then hit the bottom step, too.
Whoops.
Alpha Man closed his eyes. Shook his head. “It’s my fault,” I heard him mutter to himself. “Really, it’s my own @#$@$# fault.”
I crouched down to begin picking up all the pages of my book and my pencil fell out of my hand too. Hand to heaven, it did. And this is where I closed my eyes and imagined that I was going to probably need a very good divorce attorney.
When Alpha Man didn’t say anything, I opened my eyes. He was definitely torn between considering that divorce, and having to laugh. “Only you,” he finally said.
And then he asked me to go far, far away.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Dru says:
I think Jill you should stay far, far away. Do you have a bell tower?
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 3:18 amJudy F says:
or a locked basement?
Poor Alpha Man…. Tell him we pray for him daily.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 3:55 amStacy ~ says:
:no: I think at times like this, you should definitely not listen to your husband when he asks you to “come look” and you know better. Run. Run far away. Take Mountain Barbie with you.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 4:02 amJac says:
Aww, poor Alpha Man. He should have known better.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 4:19 amLaura says:
I think it’s sweet how you’re keeping him busy when he was looking for something to do.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 4:46 amPat L. says:
Good one, Laura.
And Jill, Alpha Man is a true saint.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 5:24 amCindy in VA says:
OH NO!! You DID try to warn him…. :yes: Poor Alpha Man….Poor Jill…
Must.Get.Cookies.
Cindy in VA
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 5:50 amSue says:
Only you could make my day every day just love ya
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 6:24 amLiza says:
Poor Alpha Man. Really he should know that if you have anything in your hands it will end up on the wet steps. You tried to warn him…
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 6:26 amAnn M. says:
I’d say it truly was “his fault” … wait until the stairs are dry to show you.
Brought a smile to my face with your story. Would this help him.. knowing that his misfortune is making people smile?
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 6:27 amElen says:
Are you sure he didn’t ask you to go to the moon, Alice?
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 6:43 amMelinda says:
This one is going to make me smile all day.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 7:00 amMental P Mama says:
Oopsie.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 7:14 amsls-rainey says:
Well, you did warn him. He knows better. When they are totally, completely dry avoid them for two more days. :thumbsup:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 7:34 amMelissa says:
OMG Jill! I am sitting at my desk laughing my *@% off. I can see it all so clearly. You did try to warn him. You would think after all this time he would have figured it out by now. Men never learn do they? Well I think you should just have lots of cookies and go play for the rest of the day. :rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:10 amJill says:
The funniest (or maybe not) part is that he still has one more coat of finish to go, which he plans on doing today. We’ll see if I live through it.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:24 amJill says:
Or if he lives through it.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:25 amJessica says:
:rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:25 amhow come there’s no photos of the stairs with salt, paper and pencil on them?
Jill says:
Because I’m pretty sure if I go near there, with my camera or otherwise, he’d kill me.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:27 amAshley says:
:rotfl: Seriously, only you!!
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:29 amHe was going to need something else to do anyway, you just solved that for him, good looking out Jill!
Stephanee says:
We are going to start calling him Ricky (to your Lucy)! :rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:31 amAmy says:
:rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:36 amtrish c says:
Men! They should know better!!! lol He is going to find work, just so he can get out of the house!! lol You have a beautiful house from what I’ve seen in pictures. Just another great funny story in the history of the Shalvis family.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:49 amtrish c says:
Jill,
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:51 amWhen are you going to pick the book winners. It will make you feel better. :yes:
Karen Erickson says:
Ok this literally made me LOL. Gotta love ya, Jill. And you’d think Alpha Man would know better by now…
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 9:00 amAllie says:
Oh, Jill. I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes. :rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 9:07 amlimecello says:
Thanks for putting a huge smile on my face, Jill – I needed that! (Haha, at least your trials and tribulations – and Alpha Man’s are making people smile, right?
)
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 9:08 amAnd honestly – you *did* try to warn him!
Treasia/TruckersWife says:
OMG I am laughing my butt off here. :rotfl: He should have known not to ask that of you. If you need the name of a good divorce attorney just let me know. I’ve had three of them.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 9:34 amLisa in California says:
I can’t stop laughing. Oh my goodness, you are so lucky he didn’t lock you in your room. It sounds just like a sitcom. Good luck with the rest of your week.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 10:32 amcatslady says:
I would have never survived the first incident much less that second one which goes to prove that a sense of humor has to be the most important thing in a marriage – true love lol.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 10:43 amSusan says:
Jill, you didn’t do any of the things that Alpha Man warned you about. He should be more precise! :wave:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 10:55 amDonna M says:
:no: Really! That story just makes a person laugh! Next time he wants you to look at anything make sure there is nothing in your hands! Nothing!
I bet those stairs will be beautiful once they are finished & all dry!!! :thumbsup:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 11:48 amLisa Freeman says:
I hope you can still read the manuscript – it’s not too wet, is it?
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 11:51 amcheryl c. says:
Oh, Jill, that is so funny! But it is true that he should have known better than to let you near the steps before they were dry.
It does sound like he is pretty patient with you though. You need to find some way to make it up to him. Maybe you could ask for his help on a little “research” for a love scene in the book you are working on!
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 11:58 amSonyaM says:
Did the phrase, “Wanna Get Away” come to mind…Southwest Airlines has that ad campaign & great flights…
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 11:59 amErin E. says:
OMG. You can’t make this stuff up. You simply can’t.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 12:26 pm:rotfl:
Andey says:
You’d think after spending two decades or so together the man would know better.
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 12:28 pmBrandy says:
You really did try to warn him. It was his own fault. *G*
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pmKarin says:
Oh Jill. Wow. Poor Alpha Man. :rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 2:25 pmVictoria says:
He really should’ve known better. And you did try to warn him so don’t feel too bad. And eat lots of cookies. And keep tellin us the funny stories of your life. I know I need my daily fix!
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 5:23 pmJoyce says:
I know I shouldn’t laugh but :rotfl:
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 5:28 pmDarlene says:
I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing!!
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 7:11 pmtrish says:
*falls over laughing*
You are one in a million (and I mean that in the best way possible)!
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 7:18 pmJackieToo says:
When is Alpha Man going to write his own book? Kind of “Perils of Pauline” with a twist. Maybe “Journeys with Jill?”
Posted on February 26th, 2009 at 8:17 pmKathrin says:
Poor Alpha Man! But I feel for you, too. I mean, you warned him and he wouldn’t listen. Why is it that men never listen to us women?
Posted on March 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pmGet yourself those cookies, you deserve them – and maybe you get an extra large portion and share them with Alpha Man?