August 7, 2008 | Filed under: Stuff
Not too long ago Alpha Man stepped out of the shower, grabbed his towel, wrapped it around himself and then screamed like a girl. He accompanied this girly scream with a I’ve-got-the-heebie-geebies dance. Fascinated, I watched as he launched something off his arm, a something that hit the tile floor with an audible thud.
A wolf spider.
It recovered and stalked off, quite pissed, while Alpha Man continued to jump around like a naked loon. A six foot two inch tall, built like a linebacker naked loon.
Granted, the spider was HUGE. Like the size of a fist huge. And I’d have dropped dead on the spot, but I have to admit.
I laughed.
And laughed.
Finally Alpha Man composed himself, sent the spider to its watery death down the toilet (which I can now never use again, thank you very much) and managed to get dressed. He slid me a long glance where I was still rolling in laughter on the bed.
He was not amused. “You know, that thing could have driven my truck.”
“I know.”
“And it could have eaten me in one gulp.”
“I know.” I still couldn’t stop laughing. “But you screamed. Like a girl.”
He looked extremely pained. “Stop it.”
“Like a girl . . . “
He sighed. “As the person who is usually saving you from your own girly screaming, I’d think you’d be a little nicer about this.”
I thought about that. True, he usually did come through, but always with a little taunting. And then there was that time he made me kill my first spider, which I did with the vacuum cleaner, and then he said that the spider could live inside it and simply crawl back out when I wasn’t looking . . . I haven’t vacuumed since. “Nope,” I decided.
He shook his head. “This is going on the blog, isn’t it.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“You could at least leave off the screaming part.”
“I could. But I won’t.”
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Stacy ~ says:
LOL. Poor Alpha Man. But he brought it all on himself. And what? No pictures????? *g*
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 3:25 amAng says:
Be careful Jill..the man knows where you sleep…
Now I’ve got the heebie-geebies about spiders..thanks. 
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 5:07 amCheryl M. says:
As a fellow arachnophobiac, I can relate. Thank goodness, I live in eastern Canada, where the spiders are usually teeny and tiny and non-furry and my cat usually snacks on them,…Uggh…
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 6:05 amI’ll take a snake any day of the week over a spider!
Liza says:
Thanks for the laugh Jill…and Alpha Man! I must admit that I tend to scream when I see spiders too.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 6:19 amJudy F says:
Oh poor Alpha Man. pity you didn’t have a vidoe camera going…
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 6:28 amTina says:
I just google wolf spider images. OMG!
That is enough to make a grown man scream. That is enough to make me have to change my underwear.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 6:29 amElizabeth K says:
Did you get any pictures? Video to blackmail him with later?
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 6:59 amMelissa says:
You naughty girl you! Tech Hubby is still asleep, probably dreaming about space ships and explosions and trying not to laugh too loud is painful!!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:04 amJill says:
I didn’t get any pics, lol. Are you kidding? He’d have killed me.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:06 amLisa J says:
I’m still laughing!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:20 amchrista says:
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:26 amAshley says:
LMAO, I got a visual with this blog and now I can’t stop laughing!!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:44 amIt also reminds me of my husband and a mouse (that ran across the top of his foot) that made him scream like a girl and do that same dance Alpha Man was doing!! I also laughed at him uncontrollably!!
Patty L. says:
Poor Alpha Man, you should have had some sympathy. Ahh, who am I kidding, I would have done the same thing. 
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:48 amAmy says:
Seriously funny. Thank goodness Alpha Man’s such a good sport about it all.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:01 amCryna says:
The visual of Alpha Man dancing around was too funny.
The event that made this happen was too scary, I would have just died of a heart attack. But I can’t blame your laughing through the whole thing. 
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:08 amJill says:
Bottom line — I’m just glad he took the first shower. If that had happened to me, I’d be DEAD from heart failure.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:12 amShannon McKelden says:
Poor Alpha Man…but nevertheless hysterical! Now you can pointedly raise your eyebrow at him the next time he makes fun of you for screaming at a spider.
It was great to meet you at National last week!
Shannon
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:16 amSusan says:
Alpha Man will be proud to find out that so many of us wanted to see his picture!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:47 amSasha says:
OMG! That made me laugh out loud.
Thanks for sharing.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:48 amDana Arnold says:
Too funny…….
My husband does the same girly scream and dance with snakes!! Glad to know that there are some things that counter their super powers!!!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 9:10 amStephanee says:
This image is going to keep me laughing all day!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 9:29 amnaomi says:
LMAO! Thank goodness he had the first shower. I can’t imagine how the blog would have read if it had been you.
I’m going to have this image in my head for a long, long time, bless you!
Alpha Man continued to jump around like a naked loon. A six foot two inch tall, built like a linebacker naked loon.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 9:33 amJill says:
It was not a bad show . . .
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 9:46 amPat L. says:
Thank you for the good laugh.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 10:24 amDonna M says:
Still chuckling!!
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 10:37 amAmanda says:
hahaha….classic that one! Macho man in spider death… Reminds me of a time a massive one was in my bedroom. My Dad had to (of course) catch the thing! Not before he jumped in the air when it started running towards him!!! The long legged thing went under my bed! I just looked at him and said, ‘would you sleep if you knew that thing was running around!’
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 10:40 amHe caught it in the end to my eternal relief
Kris says:
Too funny!! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 11:35 amabby says:
Hahaha! That is too funny!
Poor Alpha Man! And omg! I just looked up a wolf spider. It’s really huge! ::faints:: You know what freaks me out? Daddy long legs. There’s just something about its freakishly long legs and tiny body that scares the crap out of me. ::shudders::
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 11:42 amElen says:
I’m too freaked to Google the wolf spider. I’d be sitting up with a gun all night. Every night. Aw, Alpha Man. He’s such a good sport. I wouldn’t have laughed until I’d finished streaking to the yard. Then, I would have collapsed with the giggles. rotfl
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 1:01 pmJill says:
I know I should feel a little bad but I don’t.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 1:05 pmBrandy says:
LOL! Hubs ran into a spider next to the satellite dish last night. And freaked! *G*
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 1:15 pmYou have every right to laugh!
Karin says:
Poor Alpha Man. I think I would’ve been too freaked by the idea of a Wolf spider in the house to have laughed much. I would’ve been on the bed looking nervously around to make sure Wolfie didn’t have any friends hanging around. I make my dad bust out the bug/spider spray any time I see a bug in the house.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pmlimecello says:
That is the best thing I’ve read all day, Jill! Poor Alpha Man - but hey, better him than you, right? :X
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 2:04 pmchrista says:
I noticed he didn’t ask you to leave out “A six foot two inch tall, built like a linebacker naked loon.”
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 2:35 pmHopeful he wasn’t traumatized enough to need cookies
trish canfield says:
you need to use this as a scene in one of your books. really funny
p.s. megan came home from the hospital on monday
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 3:03 pmJill says:
Christa, he hasn’t read this blog entry yet. I’m quite sure if he had, I would have heard from him by now. LOL. He won’t like it, not one bit. Notice that didn’t stop me…
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 3:53 pmJill says:
Trish, YAY on your Megan!!!!! Hugs.
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 3:54 pmjeanne says:
My husband did the dance when he cut a wasp nest in half with the hedge clippers but at least he was clothed lol. And I couldn’t even live in a state that had wolf spiders
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 7:32 pmFannie says:
I wish I had read this early this morning. It would have made my day. Now, I can’t get this image out of my head. I was not familiar with wolf spiders but I Googled and that is one scary dude. I hope I never see one. I have never been afraid of spiders, then I see this one. Thanks Jill, I did not need a phobia and now I have one. Have a good evening and hugs to all.P.S. I hope Alpha Man wasn’t traumatized enough to nee your cookies. Girly scream huh?
Posted on August 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm