Forget Josh Lucas, I have bigger problems.
February 18, 2008 | Filed under: Stuff
I had to set aside my crush on Josh for a bigger problem. Help me out with this one. We’re watching TV and a commercial comes on for a local craft shop, and one of their specialties is skin care. They’re having a sale on their special hand lotion, and it’s called . . . get this . . . Hand Job Lotion.
At this, my oldest daughter, half listening as she is doing homework, snickers. I look at her, horrified. WHO HAS TOLD THIS GIRL WHAT A HAND JOB IS?
It gets worse.
My youngest looks at her older sister with interest. “What’s so funny?”
Another snicker. “Nothing.”
I agree. Loudly. “NOTHING. NOTHING IS FUNNY.”
Oldest grins.
Shoot me. Please?
“Tell me,” Youngest says.
THUNK. (don’t mind this, it’s only the sound of my head hitting the wall repeatedly)
And yes, before you email me, I do realize I write rated R books that are sometimes rather sexually explicit but they are not plastered across TV during the family hour, and my girls are certainly not reading them. So here’s my question. Who names a hand lotion HAND JOB, and who thought it was a brilliant idea to put it on TV for mothers all over the country to then try to figure out how to explain what the hell a hand job is and how you should NEVER PERFORM A HAND JOB unless you’re thirty-five or married or most preferably, I’M DEAD.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Judy F says:
Oh poor Jill. That is a strange name for a lotion.
The commercial reminds me of those ED commercials. My friend told me about her middle asking her what that was.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 3:45 amKim A. says:
Whoever came up with that ad campaign (a) wasn’t a woman and (b) wasn’t a parent!
Of course I’m snickering over this too, as I’m not a parent, either.
-Kim
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 4:33 amDru says:
Can you imagine going into store and asking “do you have hand job?”
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 4:54 amTrish Mc says:
That’s a tad worse than the pet groomers three blocks away from our house named Doggy Style. We are 58 and 56 years old .. been together 41 years, married 39 of those years. We snicker like kids when we drive by that business.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 6:44 amDee says:
This is why my children almost never get to watch TV. I would hate to have to explain “hand job” to them. However, we watch movies every night, and when there is something in there that needs explaining, I just explain it as coldly and clinically as possible.
I suggest you call or e-mail the TV station that aired the ad, and complain. They will pull it if enough people complain.
Dee
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 6:50 amAsthmagirl says:
Hand Job cream?
It’s amazing what they’ll advertise on TV now days. Thankfully I’ve about got the oldest two married off and just have to deal with the youngest.
It does however remind me of a very funny commercial from when I was younger… Steve Martin’s penis beautifying cream from SNL!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 6:56 amPatty L. says:
What a terrible place for a parent to be in. My daughter unfortunately knows more than I would like her to, middle school is hell for innocence.
My mother asked my son recently what sex was and he said “It’s when to people get naked and lie on each other and kiss.” Needless to say my mom will never ask a question that she doesn’t want to hear the answer to again. LOL I also had to finish the conversation with who told you that and it was his friend with an older brother. LOL KIDS!!!!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 7:19 amJanet H says:
Jill, she should be 35 and married. I would call and complain to the station, also.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 7:28 amJill says:
Since I’ve typed this, there was a commercial for personal lubricant as well. Now there was a fun conversation to have . . .
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 7:38 amDevon Ellington says:
It’s a chance to point out the power of language. You don’t have to get into the details of a hand job. What you can do is say that someone was either stupid or mistakenly thought they were being funny when they created a double entendre commercial. You can get into double entendre again, without going into the physiological details.
I find the ED commercials highly offensive, especially when they show them at like, 5 on a Saturday or something. I also find it offensive that a pedophile can get his ED drugs covered by the insurance company, but the insurance company won’t cover birth control.
Call the station and tell them you are turning them OFF if they run the ad again.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 7:57 amDevon Ellington says:
PS Also remember that a lot of kids learn these terms younger than we did. Wouldn’t you rather she heard it from you than on the street?
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 7:59 amElizabeth K says:
You must have some great TV out there.
(helplessly giggling over “hand job lotion”)
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:15 amMelissa's Cozy Teacup says:
If the place is local, write them a letter. It doesn’t matter what you write or don’t write it matters that their commercial is inappropriate and you have th right as a parent to not want your children to be exposed to such things. Depending on the time of day it aired, it could be in violation of some FCC regulations. Make some noise!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:17 amBailey Stewart says:
I still snicker at the Jiffy Lube …
The thing is, your youngest wouldn’t have noticed anything if your oldest hadn’t snickered. But I would have taken it as a great opportunity to explain exactly what it was and how it IS sex. You see, there are many teenagers who believe that hand jobs aren’t actually sex.
I could go on and on about the censorship issues of having the commercial pulled off. I’m such a censorship phobic.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:19 amLisa F. says:
As the mother of three boys, I’m just glad we didn’t have to see that commercial together! Too funny, and you just have to laugh because there surely will be many more topics come up (VBG) that will have to be addressed.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:26 amJen(aside) says:
What a hilarious commercial!
I think I want to be on their marketing team.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:41 amAndi says:
The first time I realized my daughter understood a sexual inuendo, I about died. The school bus is a wonderous place….NOT. as well as the first time I actually heard her honestly udder the words, “He’s hot”, in true reference to an actual person. I have had to come to terms with the fact that they will learn it. we all did. we openly discuss things that come up,(comments she makes or things we see/her on tv), out of ear shot of my 10 year old of course. Remind her as frequently as it falls into conversation that sex and anything related to sex, is not to messed around with lightly…and pray that our teaching is effective. It is really all we can do. We hang in there. Hubbie and I figure, parent’s for millenia have survived the teens, we can too. Although there are days I seriously wonder if we may be the first casualties!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 8:56 amWendy says:
*snickers* Hand job lotion.. wonder what it smells like…
Eeeeew, but seriously, Jill do you know what the lotion smells like? Just out of morbid curiosity.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:28 amAmie Stuart says:
You see, there are many teenagers who believe that hand jobs aren’t actually sex.
What Bailey said. Ignorance is NOT bliss. Yes, I’ve had the ED talk with my children–boys. (we drove by a sign on teh side of the highway). We’ve talked about oral sex and how yes you can catch diseases (they are 14 adn 12) and how if you can’t afford to raise a child you have no business making one. I’m all for blunt and matter of fact …no matter how embarrassing it’s better than my kid getting some nasty disease or making me a granny at 40.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:30 amJill says:
Wendy, LOL! I’m afraid I have no idea what it smells like but thanks for a good laugh.
And for the sake of clarity, I agree, ignorance is NOT bliss. We do a lot of frank talking in this house. I was merely venting my private feelings on the matter of my sweet (mostly) little (okay not so little, I’m the shortest in the house) girls knowing so young what a hand job is, sigh.
Trust me, we’ve had the talk many many times and I have no intention of becoming a young (!) grandma.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:37 amGENA says:
Jill,
You should have sent her to Alpha Male. Now that would have been funny.
And Jill, I know how much you love hand lotion, but please don’t buy this one. :yuck:
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:40 amKaren Erickson says:
I can’t believe they named a lotion Hand Job. What in the world were they thinking???? :shocked:
And yes I’ve seen those personal lubricant commercials. It was the erectile dysfunction commercials that were sweeping my TV time a couple of years ago that I had to explain to my oldest. Aaack.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:47 amLori says:
By the time my Mom and I had “the talk” I told her more than she told me. I learned all I needed to know from my team mates in volleyball.
Want to hear something really funny? I had to explain to my HUSBAND why Ed was running around smiling like a goof!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 10:11 amewa says:
their marketing team either has no imagination, or it was made deliberately to raise interest
)))
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 10:26 amAngie-la says:
I had my TV commercial shock moment last week when I saw this ad for some investment company I can’t recall the name of. Its four guys who have an ‘investment club’. One guy ventures out on his own to invest and fails and wants back into the fold. One of the other guys calls him a ‘tool’. Not once, but twice.
Ooooo-kay. I don’t know know if the connotation of the word has evolved over the years to mean something other than a euphemism for the male sexual organ, but in my day it was on par with calling someone a d**k.
It was not quite the shock that I got when Diane Keaton said the f-word on Good Morning America, but it was pretty close!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 10:42 amLiza says:
I don’t have any kids yet, but the Hand Job commercial sounds just as bad as the ED and personal lubricant commercials. I have to admit that my friends told me more about sex in high school than my parents ever did. Of course, now they are dealing with much more in middle school than I ever had to deal with at that age(of course I was raised in a very small town).
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 10:43 amCourtney says:
I can’t believe any company actually named lotion “Hand Job Lotion.” 
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 11:06 amapril says:
When my sister was in third or fourth grade, she asked my mom what oral sex was. My mom said it’s when two people talked about sex. I laughed from my twin bed across the room. Then, my mom explained exactly what it was. My sister replied, “EW, why would anyone want to do that?!” I laughed because there’s nothing funnier than an uncomfortable mom. Kids shouldn’t learn this stuff from the tv. They should learn it through the grapevine in the school yard like we used to.
I still have questions about those commercials though. There’s one feminine product that offers freshness after douching which I’m still not sure how that works, but I thought douching was for freshness. Is that like taking a shower after a bath? I’d ask my mom now but I’m afraid she’d tell me.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 12:26 pmBrandy says:
I would have had a fit. My Daughter is 12 and picks up on things like that, but not, at the same time. The ED commercials are annoying! My Son has seen some (he’s 5yrs old) and he HATES Bob.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 1:06 pmRobin says:
:rotfl: Jill. I’m sorry. I find the name of that lotion very funny. And a craft shop that specializes in skin care? Hmm…Maybe you should take a trip to that store and see exactly why it’s named hand job. What kind of crafts are they selling?
My dh and I are very open and honest with our two boys about everything, but I’ve had the same situation occur in my house, Jill, where the oldest snickers and the younger one wants to know why. It’s hard keeping kids innocent nowadays. I know my boys have heard so much at school, it’s not even funny. When I envisioned motherhood, I didn’t think about all the talks and explanations that I’d have to give all the while wishing please don’t even look at the opposite sex until your twenty-five.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 2:14 pmCryna says:
I hate those type of commercials. And am so glad that I don’t have to go through that with my kids anymore, but makes you wonder what advertisers are thinking or if they are even thinking……..
Not likely that they are just at their bottom lines……..
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 3:23 pmAlice Audrey says:
Maybe they were thinking with their hands? You gotta bet the people who named the lotion were men
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pmBayou Woman says:
Soooooo, how old is the one who snickered? And have you asked her yet where she learned the term from? She might not even know exactly what it means! Good luck!
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 3:40 pmBW
Amie Stuart says:
Angie…I think now it means more along the lines of dumb a&& or :loser:
When I told my boys about ED they were like, EWWWWWWWWWW LOL Good.
You know the one that really cracks me up? Udder Cream :bananadance:
Liza my mom told me NOTHING–which is probably why I’m so militant about my kids being in the know
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 4:28 pmDonna M says:
It seems sex education never ends!! I’m so glad I don’t have to educate anyone but myself nowdays!! Some of the commercials really are to much. If you need those type of products you will find out where they are & how to get them!!
I don’t think any company needs to advertise them on TV. There is to much that we have no say about.
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 5:07 pmYour comments made me laugh! I’ve missed being here while my computer was down. I have to go back to read what I missed.
Hélène says:
Another lame commercial is for ‘Always’ feminine pads, & their ‘Have a Happy Period’ slogan.
Gimme a break will ya!! & Please tell me it wasn’t women who tought of these lame commercials & product names like ‘Hand Job’…?
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 5:42 pmLeslie Kelly says:
Jill, did that commercial come on right after the one for ED that talks about what to do with an erection lasting more than four hours? :wigglebrow:
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 5:44 pmraine says:
Okay…s’cuse me for a moment…
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 6:05 pm:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Jaye Patrick says:
Hmmm… are you sure your girls haven’t read your books?
Anyway, we in Australia had a short-lived commercial from a carpet company some years ago. A masculine voice, terribly excited about the freebie announced: “And for a limited time, you get a free lay with every carpet!” :rotfl:
Posted on February 18th, 2008 at 11:53 pmJordan says:
Jill, You crack me up, but I do not envy the conversation you’ll have to have with your daughters.
Posted on February 19th, 2008 at 11:17 amdeb says:
Almost as much fun as when my 5 year old niece saw her baby brother being changed and says, “mom boys are different than girls.” Sister say, “Right.” Niece says “does daddy know?”. Sister didn’t miss a beat and says, “I don’t know, why don’t you go ask him?”
Posted on February 25th, 2008 at 9:09 pm