January 7, 2008 | Filed under: Stuff
So I’m on snow shoes on the trail outside my house in the Sierras, minding my own business, singing along with Matchbox Twenty’s latest, How Far We’ve Come, on my iPod. Okay, it’s my husband’s iPod, but that’s because his is the video iPod and mine is the plain old one . . . and maybe I’m watching the screen instead of where I’m going and I trip over Ashes.
Face first, into three feet of fresh powder.
Now let me really set the scene for you, because only a few years ago this whole thing would have been Greek to me, a Los Angeles city rat. Three feet of fresh snow powder is the consistency of . . . well, powder. So when you fall, you sink. Down deep. And then get stuck.
It’s not pretty.
So there I am, face deep in the snow, with my faithful dog Ashes bouncing up and down in the sea of snow around my exposed legs like a bunny rabbit, trying to see me, barking as if to say WOW YOU REALLY ARE STUPID, AREN’T YOU.
Now here’s the problem. Once you’re in this position, that being ass up, it’s hella hard to right yourself. Like impossible. Or maybe that’s because I’ve had three babies and my body is so not in fighting shape anymore. All I know is that it took a good five minutes and lots of swearing, and by the time I pushed back to my snow shoe covered feet, I was huffing and puffing and sweating through my new Christmas snow gear.
I really hate to sweat.
This is when I stop for a break, only five minutes from the house, and pull a water and a baggie of cookies from my back and sit back and just take in the view. Out here, life is good. Out here, I’m not worried about my book deadline, or Oldest and her college applications, or Middle’s heart problems, or Youngest’s science project that’s going to keep us up all night.
Yeah, life is grand. Until I look up and see a bear not two feet from me. Can you say HOLY SHIT? I did. And a lot more.
I’ve never run home so fast. In fact, I think it’s fair to say I’ve never run anywhere so fast in my entire life. In snow shoes. In three feet of powder. Clutching my cookies to my chest.
And screaming. Let’s not forget that part. My husband looked up as I came skidding into the mud room, stunned. “You’re running,” he said, clearly shocked. “And sweating.”
Gee, thanks, hon, for pointing that out. I held up my bag of cookies, breathless but triumphant. I hadn’t lost a single one.
Tags: cookies, dog, fun, humor, iPod, marriage, snow shoes
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Judy F says:
Another wild adventure…. Glad you and your cookies (ashes too) made it back safely…
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 3:50 amStacy ~ says:
Jill, me girl, you are a walking adventure! Even the most mundane tasks turns into something to write about. Soooo glad you didn’t get eaten by the bear, but I bet not half as glad as you are. Maybe you should stay indoors the rest of the winter?
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 4:22 amDru says:
Thanks for the laugh. The bear chasing you is not funny, but the adventures you face are. But you know it was all about saving the cookies.
I keep hearing about the amount of snow being dump in the Sierras. Stay warm and safe.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 4:29 amHeather Harper says:
Um, I think I’m kind of glad we are seperated by distance.
Next time I see you, lets choose a neutral, wild animal free place to meet with a Taco Bell (they sell cookies at mine) and no snow.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 5:29 amElizabeth K says:
Yes, as a matter of fact I can say Holy Shit. However, in situations like that I believe the F word would come out first. I’m guessing you must have scared the bear as much as he scared you?
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 5:37 amLiza says:
Thanks for the laugh. Glad you, Ashes and your cookies made it home ok.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 6:28 amCaryn says:
Hilarious! In retrospect, of course.
Glad you survived to tell the tale. I’m impressed that you could snowshoe in powder. I need a well-groomed trail or it just ain’t happenin’. As for sweating, that’s the worst when it’s cold out, so I sympathize.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:13 amPatty L. says:
Thank God you kept your wits and saved your butt and the cookies. :rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:21 amDevon Ellington says:
I laughed that you rescued the cookies instead of throwing them at the bear while you escaped.
Odd that he’d be out of hibernation. He probably couldn’t move very fast.
Remember, don’t RUN from a bear. They can outrun you, in most circumstances. Edge away quietly.
Says the gal who learned more than she wanted when she went on a writing retreat in the Catskills and woke up in the middle of the night to find a bear had removed the door to the cabin and was sitting in the middle of the floor, eating my crackers and peanut butter.
I learned a lot about bears that month.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:23 amAsthmagirl says:
Thank goodness you saved the cookies! That’s clearly the most important thing!
Laughing at your efforts in getting unstuck. It would be a similar situation with me I fear. Must be the deal after three kids!
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:45 amAlice Audrey says:
:rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 8:09 amCourtney says:
LMAO! Atta girl Jill. Way to save the cookies.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 9:43 amAllie says:
I am in awe that you are even willing go to outdoors in a place where bears just appear out of nowhere.
Jill, have you considered wearing a bear bell? And putting one on Ashes? So that bears hearing you coming and get out of the way? Supposedly. I always wonder if, after all this time, bears and other animals now think “Oh! Food’s nearly here!” when they hear it. So maybe don’t wear one.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 9:52 amLaurie says:
Glad you’re still in one piece.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 9:54 amCherlyn says:
Funny story! :rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 10:09 amErin says:
I think this is why I live in the ‘burbs. No bears. And no one to fight me for cookies…unless they’re invited it
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 11:01 amKaren Erickson says:
Ah Jill you crack me up tho there’s nothing funny about a bear. But at least you saved the cookies. :bananadance:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 11:02 amWendy says:
The bear didn’t follow you? He probably only wanted a cookie! :rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 11:11 amSusan says:
The one thing that’s good about snow powder is it’s easy to shovel. Sorry but I have to laugh at your adventure! :rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 11:36 amSarah says:
LMAO — great for a Monday (for us, not you, I guess…).
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 11:36 amDonna M says:
:rotfl: You make a scary thing sound like an adventure. :yes: I’m glad you, Ashes & the cookies are okay. Is that bear confused, they are suppose to be in hibernation.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 12:54 pmBeautiful picture with your blog! The Sierra’s have sure gotten a lot of snow. I love it when they show pictures in the Truckee area, it always makes me think of you.
Some of the comments here are hilarious!
Brandy says:
You manage to land in the weirdest possible situations! *g* Glad you, Ashes and the cookies are safe!
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 2:49 pmjeanne says:
The term “lol” was made with you in mind :rotfl: I’ll probably have nightmares about bears tonight and I have to admit, throwing the cookies would have been my first thought :rotfl:
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 4:12 pmCryna says:
Jill, so glad that you made it home safe with the cookies intact, and with Ashes. I really needed this laugh………although in reflection I can see that you would be scared. Hope the rest of the day was better. Man you guys have been getting a lot of snow…….
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 6:50 pmDiana says:
I love that you used the word “hella.” So Nor Cal.
It freaks me out that you just see bears roaming around. I’m used to seeing them in zoos and on TV.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:05 pmEm says:
Maybe the bear was watching you struggle ass up in the snow and wanted to see where things were going.
Posted on January 7th, 2008 at 7:19 pmSerena says:
Hey, all I gotta say is this…you coulda lost hubby’s iPod. I know I would’ve. Think he would’ve been understanding?
Posted on January 8th, 2008 at 5:44 pmJemima says:
Sweet cracker sandwich! That happened to me camping, only I had a toothbrush in my mouth instead of cookies, and I HIGH STEPPED it back to the tent, foaming at the mouth the whole way!
Posted on January 8th, 2008 at 11:53 pm