Didn’t I tell you, I’m also a sex expert …
July 17, 2005 | Filed under: Stuff
The other morning, a neighbor was having a garage sale so I wandered in that direction to offer some support. I have to say, I hate to shop. Seriously, I missed the shopping gene. Garage sales and Walmart (please, I’m not being a snob so don’t send me letters, LOL) are nightmares for me. I just don’t like tight aisles, searching through piles of stuff or spending money.
But this is a new neighbor, so I was just making a good will effort. Sort of like a hi welcome to the neighborhood, I’d cook you cookies if I baked but I don’t so here I am with a few bucks to spend on your junk instead sort of thing.
There was this group of women standing around, my new neighbor’s friends from the bay area visiting for the weekend, and she introduces me as the mom down the street. All “professional” women, they immediately look me over from head to toe, measuring me up. I clearly do not make muster.
Now trust me, there are many days where I pretend I’m not a writer, and being a stay at home mom is a GREAT job, but for some reason I opened my mouth and said “I’m also a writer”.
“What do you write?” one asked, daringly, as if I’d lied.
Well, shit. You know damn well not a one of these snooty women reads romance. Okay, WTF, I already have one foot in my mouth, right? So I said, “I write romance novels”.
The measuring looks on their faces changed, LOL, from “poor you” to “ohmigod she’s a slut” and “look at that, a real life sex expert”.
Yeah, watch out ladies, it’s contagious.
Posted by Jill @ 1:00 am | Make a Comment
Maureen says:
Hey, they’re the ones selling junk on the street while your name appears in book stores across the country.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:36 amJillian Beane says:
Maureen took the words right out of my mouth. And besides, I think that being a mom is a more than full time job. Plus, the pay sucks. For you to do that puts you a leg above the rest.:thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:51 ammist_e_rose2002 says:
:wall:there is nothing poor about being any type of writer!
look at J.K. Rowling, from struggling mom to the richest woman in Europe. She is gonna make a million dollars off her new book…which BTW is GREAT!!!
I read my copy in 6.5 hours, now I gotta wait another 3 lousy years for the next book
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 4:19 ameve says:
First off – now remember, I just woke up, so I’ll try to be coherent – there is no such thing as just a mom. Raising children is the single most important thing an individual can do (I almost said woman, but let’s face it, there are a lot of single dad’s being mom).
Secondly, you are a writer. People rush to the stores, internet, etc., just to buy your books. People, like me, rush to the store, internet, etc., to buy your books without knowing anything about said book, just because your name is on it. You are a writer. Doesn’t matter whether it is romance, sci-fi, or high-brow literature. You are published … you have accomplished something that millions of people have tried to do but failed at miserably. Your books make people feel. Anytime you elicit an emotion from a reader, you have accomplished your goal. And besides, those poor women are just dried up old prunes with no romance in their souls. It’s their husband’s who I feel sorry for – as previously discussed – husbands of wives who read romance …:wigglebrow:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 4:37 ameve says:
BTW, I’m tired because I was up all night highlighting, er, reading Elizabeth Bevarly’s new Blush, I mean Blaze “Indecent Suggestion”. Hot, hot ladies! (Jill, you need an icon of a smiley fanning itself).
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:37 amMary says:
There are times I don’t people I’m a writer because I don’t have the energy. You know what I mean?
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:46 amJudy F says:
You are awesome Jill. A mom is a special job and you write too. I agree with Eve too. Hugs
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:16 amToni Anderson says:
Hey!! Those biddies have no idea what they are talking about. Do they go to movies that make them feel good? Do they watch TV?? Romance novels are a form of entertainment–and a damn sight better than sitting around with your finger up your you know what.
A colleague of my husbands got very excited when DH told him I was writing. He asked what I was writing and I said a romance and he said, ‘oh well, maybe when you get better…’:wall:
Another woman spent an hour moaning about some guy who flaunts his PhD in her work. Then she went on about how she’d gotten over her inferiority complex (being one of two-five people in the room who didn’t have one or wasn’t studying for one). Then she said to me ‘being a writer and a mom how do you cope with your inferiority complex’
Sheesh–I don’t have one!!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:16 amRene says:
So, what is more degrading? Being a SAHM or a romance writer? GRRRRRR….
I quit telling people I wrote romance when they said “Oh, smut books.” Why is it acceptable to put down romance and the women who write them? And the whole SAHM prejudice really gripes me. Considering we all face many of the same obstacles as wives and mothers, I can’t understand why women aren’t more supportive of one another.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:22 ameve says:
You said it all Rene. As someone who is neither a wife or a mother I have the most profound respect for those who are. The closest I came was as a nanny and now, as my mother grows more childlike, as her caretaker. Motherhood is a hard job – doesn’t take a Ph.D., but it does take intelligence to raise a well-adjusted, contributing member of society. I’m not talking about book-learning. All the degrees in the world will not prepare you for childrearing. Take my mom, for instance … wait, I said well-adjusted child … well, let’s just say she has one … my mother isn’t college educated, but she had the natural instinct and intelligence that one needs to raise children who are decent human beings. Not every woman can do that … and some shouldn’t have tried. I don’t know why women aren’t more supportive of one another. That just boggles my addled mind.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:38 amMelissa Marsh says:
I was a SAHM from the time my daughter was born until just this last February and it is the HARDEST job in the world. When you throw writing full-time in there, well, let’s just say the title should be changed to domestic goddess.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 7:32 amWhen people ask me what I write, it depends on who they are as to how I answer – some are very supportive, others degrading. I should just say, “I write the most popular type of fiction in the world.” and let it rest at that. :thumbsup:
Jill says:
Maureen, LOLOLOL! You’re right!
Mist, I just got my copy of Harry and can’t wait to dig in.
Eve, a smiley with a fan is a great idea, I wonder if they have them …
Mary, I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Toni and Rene, been there. I have no idea why people just aren’t more supportive of each other in general, whether they shovel shit or perform brain surgery or write romance.
Melissa, I think this should be our standard answer from now on, “I write the most popular type of fiction in the world.”
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 7:51 amSusan says:
I couldn’t agree more with what eve and Rene wrote! My mom has been my sole caregiver since my accident and that is something I can’t thank her for enough. I could not have more respect for stay at home moms.
I’ll make a bet at least one of them secretly reads romance novels.:wink:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 7:53 amSuzy says:
That’s just stupid! I think stay at home moms are the most courageous people in the world. Hey, babysitters get to hand the kids back when they get cranky. Moms don’t.
And if your neighbor’s buddies were so business-minded they’d know that romance novels are lucrative business. More than 45% of all paperbacks sold in the US are from the romance novel genre. And as of a 2002 study, there are approximately 51.1 MILLION romance novel readers in the US alone. Hello! Go where the market is. Morons!:loser:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 7:59 amLarissa says:
People can be SO stupid.
And that’s all I have to say about that. :yes:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:07 amCece says:
:loser:
nuf said.
BTW I’m stealing the loser smiley
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:10 amShannon McKelden says:
I completely get the person who said she sometimes doesn’t tell people she’s a writer because she “doesn’t have the energy.” But, once in a while you get a surprise…someone who reads romance (or in my case chick lit) and LOVES it! When I went to get my business cards recently, I found that the owner of Postnet even had a chick lit novel stuck in her desk and we got to talk about it. It was also the day I got my contract in the mail and she was soooo excited for me.
That one encounter made all the other not so great encounters worth it!
Shannon
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:19 ameve says:
Yeah Susan, and I bet they aren’t women enough to admit it!
Shannon, what a great feeling:thumbsup:
Can you steal smileys:?:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:35 amJill says:
Susan, your mother is awesome, I’m so glad you have her.
Suzy, LOL. Yesterday we were babysitting a newborn and it was lovely … and also lovely to hand her back when mom arrived.
Cece, feel free …
Shannon, love it when we find people who actually READ much less read what we do, LOL!!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:45 amDanni says:
First of all, this makes me mad. I don’t have any romance authors on my street, but you can bet if anybody ever told me they wrote romance I’d be in a puddle of happy goo at their feet. And this would have been doubly true before I became an aspiring.
Second of all, the whole ‘romance isn’t as good as___” ticks me off. Whenever I get the chance to, I talk to people about the value of romance. Of course, the ultimate response to someone who sneers at reading romance is “Oh yeah, when’s the last time you read purely for pleasure? And ‘Goodnight Moon’ doesn’t count. :relieved:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:49 ameve says:
And not only that – be proud to tell them what you do. If they give you an attitude just remember they’re the ones with the problem. I get the same response as a romance reader – used to lie and say that I read historical non-fiction. Now I say romance is my favorite genre, and not only that, but I listen to Barry Manilow. People like that just have to get.a.life!
Oh, and Susan, being a caretaker is extremely difficult and is one of the most loving things a person can do. Lots of people have relatives who have problems and not everyone steps up to the plate, even parents. Lots of hugs her way.:heart:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:59 amEmma S says:
I hope you decided not to buy any of their crap!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:09 amAlyssa says:
Ugh, I hate the women-sizing-each-other-up looks. One of these days I hope that more women will respect each other’s choices.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:18 amMelissa says:
It makes me so
when people look at me funny or say stupid things when I tell them I read or aspire to write romance.
:talktothehand: is a good response but I love “I write the most popular type of fiction in the world.” Thaaat’s good.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:19 amChrista Runge says:
I hate shopping too. I don’t like feeling crowded or not being able to find what I need. I bet those women were jealous because you accually had the guts to try something they didn’t and show you are proud of it. As you should be.:wave:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:40 amJoely says:
I hate moments like that, because I’m never fast enough on my feet to think of a scathing comeback.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:52 amPat says:
I cant believe how rude some people can be.
I for one think it is great to be a stay at home mom who is also able to work at home. And to do something you love and give so much pleasure to others. What snobs they are. You know what they need as has been said in many a romance book – they need to get a good …!
Pat:bananadance:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 10:03 ameve says:
Ohhhhh Pat, how right you are:thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 10:16 ammary beth says:
{{{Jill}}}
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 10:59 amI agree with Pat.
I’m so glad everyone I’ve encountered on my so far rejected journey has been supportive of my decision to write romance. My mom (the most uber-conservative woman I know), my fellow teachers and adminstrators, my students’ parents, even my college professors: one of whom was the former poet laureate of Texas and one considered one of the top Poe experts in the nation. The Poe expert has every Jude Devereaux on HIS Keeper shelf, and he and I exchanged Deborah Smith novels.
Besides, not only are you a romance novelist, you’re an award-winning, best-selling novelist at that. :thumbsup:
Jill says:
It did make me more mad than sad, then later I had to laugh. I mean I love what i do, I just have to remember that not everyone feels the same way.
But no, I didn’t buy a thing at the sale. :no::wink:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 11:20 amRaine says:
Ha! Don’t you believe for a MINUTE those kind of women don’t read romance. Oh, they read it alright–behind closed doors, when they’re alone in their bedrooms (and they ARE alone), or they buy those expensive little opaque bookcovers, so nobody knows…
But they’re reading them.
They just don’t have the courage to admit it. :thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 11:38 amMary Stella says:
Who cares what the snoots think or say? Let them sit down and write a single book, let alone the number and quality that you produce. I look people directly in the eye, with a smile, when I tell them I write romance novels. I had a woman say, “Oh, you write those trashy romance books?” My answer — “No, I write good romance books.” One woman didn’t take the hint. She followed up with, “But do they have sex in them?” My answer, while looking concerned and puzzled, “Oh. You think sex is trashy? You have children, don’t you?”
At that point, she flubbled and realized that she was making herself look like an idiot.. :rotfl:
Jill, you could use that scene as a book premise — rising star romance novelist moves into snooty neighborhood. Romance novelist winds up with hottie bachelor in the neighborhood. :thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 12:03 pmTori says:
I’m constantly amazed (though I suppose I shouldn’t be) at how stupid and rude people can be. They all need a good smack. Maybe with the whip. :whip:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 12:12 pmJordan Summers says:
I HATE shopping too, unless I’m at a bookstore or a Best Buy. It’s sad really. I think it all boils down to refusing to try on clothes and boredom.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 12:25 pmMechele says:
I’m just shaking my head. It amazes me. My dh had a coworker jokingly say I wrote porn. It was a joke but it made me think a lot about what I write. And I’m proud of it. Romance is one of the greatest things in life and I like writing about it.
Love Mary’s answer. LOL going to remember that one.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 12:35 pmArlene says:
Way to go Mary!:rotfl:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 1:06 pmJill says:
Raine, I like your theory, yes I do.
Mary Stella, LOL. Once someone asked my husband if I wrote “those novels, the ones with the S-E-X in them” and he leaned in with the same conspiratory whisper and said “what’s the matter, you don’t like S-E-X?”
Jordan, glad I’m not alone in hating shopping! I feel like I’m missing the gene for it.
Mechele, I’m glad you’re proud, you should be! I am too.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 1:11 pmArlene says:
Jill, love the hubby’s response!:bananadance:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 1:24 pmMartyK says:
OK, so which snooty woman approached you later to sign her closet stach of romance books, lol. There’s one in every bunch, you just have to ferret her out
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 1:45 pmDanica says:
LOL Raine!
Jill, I remember you saying that about your hubby… he’s a keeper!
But hey, think of the encounter this way… it was an intelligence test for them too. They’re obviously not the sort of people you want to hang out with anyway. :bananadance:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 1:59 pmChrista Runge says:
I would say to ignore thier comments (sometimes not so easy). As long as you love what you do and are good at it (which you are). I wish I could have been a stay at home Mom but being a single mother I had to work to support us. Now my son is 17 and I hardly know him because I was always working so hard.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 2:46 pmLoretta says:
I bet they all went out and hunted up one of your books! Which they will then be in AWE of you!!!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:21 pmbtw.. Just pre-ordered Getting a Clue, & Night Before Christmas from Amazon!!
A present to myself since they will be arriving (hopefully) just a few days before my birthday!
Loretta says:
BTW..
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:26 pmI’m GETTING a clue :rolleyes:
but I ORDERED GET A CLUE
Nicole says:
ROFL. Poor Jill.
But quite funny.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:27 pmSteph T. says:
Jill Shalvis, real life sex expert. Sounds like you’ve got a brand new slogan for a magnet. Hand them out around the neighborhood.:thumbsup:
And I’m in agreement with Loretta – I’ll just bet they’re all gonna buy your books. That’s the best revenge.
I missed the shopping gene too. online shopping is so much easier.:bananadance:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:29 pmJill says:
Loretta, thank you so much for ordering Get A Clue!!! I need that book to do well, and any pre-orders will help greatly, so THANK YOU!
I have to tell you, I drove by and the neighbor was outside in the sun reading some big thick literary tomb with its unhappy ending and boring words. She had a frown on her face … Not Enjoying Herself. Shame.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:31 pmJulie says:
Hi Jill,
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 3:54 pmWell, my first resp. to this is pretty knee-jerk, but I’ve been thinking about this off and on all day and I haven’t found myself thinking of another way to handle it. Hope I don’t offend anyone, but here goes.
Try this: next time you see your snooty neighbor outside and your husband is at home, ask him to go for a walk past snooty neighbor’s house. Wait until she sees you and then call out, “Hey, meet my RESEARCH PARTNER!” You know darn WELL she’ll do a search, come up w/your site, scroll through, find one w/some “hot” scenes and run right out and BUY it! Oh, and as you walk past? Go ahead–BE PROUD! CHIN UP! SHOULDERS BACK! CHEST OUT! SWING THOSE HIPS!:bananadance:
Cathie says:
Oh I know what you mean Jill. Its the same sometimes for us with some people when we say we read romance. But I have gotten some people totally hooked on some books so I never hide the fact I read them anymore. Why should I, it brings me alot of joy, and I’m sure it does for you!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 4:17 pmSo what did you buy at the garage sale any books
Cathie
Saundra M says:
Look at that! My first time here, and I get to meet a real life sex expert. Awesome!!:thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:06 pmkim h says:
being a writer is great.:smile:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:16 pmDonna M says:
I was very lucky & proud to be a stay at home Mom until my husband & I split up. It is an awesome job! Dr. Phil has very postive wonderful things to say about SAHM’s, to bad more people don’t listen to him. By the way, he says you are not raising children you are raising adults–puts it in a whole new perspective.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:27 pmWhen I tell people I am reading romance the reactions sometimes amaze me! Why do people put it down? Jill, you are an awesome writer & I bet none of the snooty professional women at the neighbors have brought pleasure to millions of readers!:cool: So what are they contributing?:loser:
Ashley says:
You could always offer them some ‘real sex advice’, sounds like they could use it! HA! A good book is still a GOOD BOOK regardless of its genre. You go girl!
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 5:55 pmruby55 says:
My points:
1. I have same problem with friends and relatives. “YOU read romances?!” At least my brother-in-law likes a lot of the art-work.
2. I hate shopping except for books.:grin:
3. I admire anyone who writes creatively. I couldn’t do it if my life depended on it though essays posed no problems. Facts are facts. I also stumble over vocabulary and other problems and love to do proof-reading.
To all you writers: I admire what you do because I love to read. Sometimes I wonder if a certain set of people just won’t admit to reading romances.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:08 pmruby55 says:
Susan, Sorry to hear about your accident. It must be hard in many ways to be dependent on your mother but after the age of 7, I had a stay-at-home mom (before that my mother had to earn enough to allow my father to get his education after the war). I don’t think any of us four kids ever regretted it although we did without lots of times. I think it’s a good lesson for all to learn.:yes:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:15 pmeve says:
My father wouldn’t allow my mother to work outside the home. As a self-employed carpenter (in the north at that – not much work in the winter) there were times when money was tight, utilities were cut off, etc., so the extra income would have been nice – BUT I wouldn’t have had the security of knowing that if I got sick at school my mom was there to take me home, my mother saw my first steps, heard my first words. Single parents have it sooo hard – you do what you have to to provide for your children and you have to pick quality time over quantity. That makes the time you spend together that much more precious – hats off to single parents too!:thumbsup:
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 6:40 pmgena says:
If I were you, I’d send a gift basket of your books (they are better than any baked goods) to your neighbor and her SNOTTY friends. Better yet, have a book signing at your Borders and invite those NON stay at home Moms to come by and see how SUCCESSFUL you are! You know I’d make the trip up to see you.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 7:12 pmI also pre ordered Get A Clue today and if you give me your neighbors address, I will order another and send it to her.
Jill says:
Julie, LOL!
Cathie, I didn’t buy anything, she lost the sale.
Saundra, well now that you know I’m a sex expert, hope you come back. :rotfl:
Kim H, being a writer is the best job in the entire world.
Donna, I like that, I’m not raising children, I’m raising adults. Too bad they ACT like children, LOL …
Ashley, you’re right, a good book is a good book, no matter how little sex it has.
Gena, thank you so much for pre-ordering Get A Clue. Means a lot!!! And you’re right, maybe I should give my new neighbor a book …. hmmm … I’d better make sure it’s a particularly sexy one, LOL.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 8:16 pmAzure says:
When people ask me what I like to do, I tell them I love to read. Invariably, they ask, what sort of books do you read? My answer always depends on whos’s asking. If it’s male, I say sci fi, (which is true) but who wants to tell a guy a you just met, you’re favourite genre is romance. If it’s a female, I usually mention romance novels, but with a couple of other genres too. I agree with the comment from above, about just not having the energy to put up with people’s reaction to my reading material.
Posted on July 17th, 2005 at 9:48 pmWHAT IS WRONG WITH ROMANCE NOVELS ANYWAY?
The people who have a problem are not people who’ve read them, there is so much worse on TV these days, than a little sex between two people who end up, happily, ever,after. :love:
Suzanne says:
So, did you start handing out tips?
Posted on July 18th, 2005 at 4:53 amBarbara says:
Interesting thread.
Jill I am sure you have a much more interesting live than those snooty women who looked down on you so to speak because you writer romance.
People and their holier than thou attitudes never fail to amaze me.
Just curious did you spend any $$$ on the neighbors junk?
Posted on July 18th, 2005 at 1:08 pmJill says:
Azure, LOL on not telling a guy you just met about reading romance. Have to agree there. No shame in waiting a little bit, LOL!
Suzanne, no tips. I have a feeling that these women aren’t too fond of sex anyway … :loser:
Barbara, I spent ZERO money over there!
Posted on July 18th, 2005 at 1:13 pmSusan says:
eve, you are so right. It is a special person who does become a caretaker and I am very lucky to have a mom like that. I imagine your mom feels the same way about you.
Posted on July 19th, 2005 at 8:50 am