Best Of

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So Frat Boy and I were on our morning hike through the woods and I was moving along at a good clip because there’ve been a lot of bears and coyotes this year.

Well, that and the fact that I have consumed too many cookies lately and I’m not going to fit into my Big Girl clothes for a Chicago event in a few weeks. But I digress.

As we’re moving along, I’m happily wailing at the top of my lungs to Kelly Clarkson’s devastating Piece By Piece when Frat Boy goes off trail, stands at the bottom of a huge, old tree and barks. Huh. I go to stand next to him, tip my head back to peer two hundred and fifty feet up to the top of the tree, and then BAM. The next thing I know I’m sitting on my ass in the dirt, my head spinning.

A squirrel had beaned me with a pinecone.

Still dizzy, I call Alpha Man. “You’re not going to believe this.”

“Does it require stitches or a cast?”

To be fair, he has good reason to ask me such a question. “No.”

“The bank account thanks you.”

Honest to God, he’s so sweet and sensitive and loving it boggles the mind. Anyway, so now I have to add squirrels to my list of rabid creatures to avoid…

16 Comments on “Best Of

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  2. And don’t forget the Kamikaze squirrels that try to cause a traffic accident while doing a serpentine run across the street.

  3. Love it!! The squirrels in my yard come up to the window and sit on the ledge to antagonize my poor pup. They run up and down our tree chattering at him and they’ve scratched at our back door for him. Ok, the last is a bit extreme, they were actually eating the wood on the door jamb but it sounded like knocking.

    Enjoy your New Year’s celebrations and please keep us laughing in the new year. We need all the funny we can get.

  4. The ‘Best of’ STILL makes me laugh! Happy New Year to you and yours — we need all your funny stories, and MORE, in the new year! Thank you to you and the furries, too.

  5. They should seriously make a movie about your life and the conversations you and Alpha Man have. It would surely be a huge hit! LOL! 🙂

  6. Squirrels are devious creatures.

    When my children were young, a squirrel would come and sit on the dog house and I would provide pecans for him. He ended up biting me.

    But, more recently, I met a terrorist squirrel. She had only half a tail (I believe she had hidden the rest in her escape vehicle). I have an American flag which hangs on my patio.

    She jumped from a tree to the flag pole, and started shredding the flag. She was acting absolutely out of control. I believe it was her assignment from her spy masters.

    You know, discourage and disorient the enemy. It is almost like dropping leaflets which say, “you are defeated.”

    Be careful, the pine cone could be the first assault in a future battle.

    Now, in case you are sending people to put me away, the above is an exaggeration . I wish there were a tongue in cheek font. But, I really did get bitten and she really tore the flag to shreds.

  7. Those creatures are a lot more dangerous than we think. Don’t always believe Frat Boy knows how to protect you. Lol

  8. Hahaha. With all you accidents I am surprised he lets you go out alone with the puppies.

    Good one though, tell Frat boy he has to watch over you, not share in the wilderness experience.

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