Best Of

Okay so we all know strange things tend to happen to me. But what happened yesterday pretty much takes the cake.

I was walking up the trail with Ashes, like I do every single day, when all of a sudden I hear a snort. Not a growl, or a hiss, both of which are fairly common for me and tend to turn me into an Olympic speed sprinter, but a snort. Curious, I pulled off my sunglasses and looked at the strange big thing standing at the top of the trail.

From far away it looked like one of those cow statues in downtown Chicago. Bright white and black and very still.

But then the statue moved. Uh oh. I didn’t have my good camera, or my glasses, but something made me whip out my cell phone and take a pic so I could scroll in and see what I was dealing with.

As I did this, the thing started grunting some more and began running towards me.

Can you say holy shit?

I looked down at my phone and blinked in disbelief, then back up at the creature heading towards me, all the while registering that Ashes was not in any way freaked out but acting as if her long lost lover had come to visit, complete with happy ass wriggle and wide grin.

Yes, she grins.

Here’s what I saw:

A pig. It was a fat, adorable, friendly, sweet BIG ASS pig running towards me, and I’m not quite fluent in pig grunts but I think he was saying “oh thank God, a human, I’m lost, can you please be my new best friend? Oh and do you have any food?”

I sent the pic of the pig on my phone to Alpha Man’s phone. I didn’t call because he was grouting tile and I’d already called and interrupted him three times and the last time he asked me very nicely not to call him anymore unless it was an emergency.

He called me immediately. “What the hell?”

Me: Isn’t he adorable?

Him: Tell me you are not bringing a pig home.

Me: Okay I won’t tell you.

A long beat of silence. “Jill, where did that pig come from?”

Me: Well, the pig daddy and the pig mommy fell in love, and then they–

You don’t really want to know what he said to that, or the ensuing conversation, which involved a lot of me saying “he’s so cute and sad and lonely” and him saying “we cannot keep a pig in our house” and me making all sorts of promises that I had no intention of keeping, but then some lady showed up in the woods for her long lost pig.

Only in my world.

41 Comments on “Best Of

  1. You must be cutting your deadline really…REALLY close, because I believe we saw this piggy before. I’m not complaining…keep writing…I won’t say another word…I love your books way too much ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Ok so that was interesting. But at least you tried to bring home a new friend for Ashes. ๐Ÿ™‚ I bet you run into a lot of weird things up there on those trails. Maybe another sweet pig will come your way and you can take him home! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. OMG! Reminds me of the day I looked out my front door and saw a steer. I live in a small village of 400 in a rural area but still we don’t have cows running around! There is a grain elevator around the corner and a farmer lost his steer when he stopped for feed. I called dear daughter away at her first year at college and she really thought I lost my empty nester marbles.

  4. you NEVER fail to make us laugh! Hopefully thee little piggy cries wee wee wee all the way home! ๐Ÿ˜†

  5. Jill, you make me laugh. I would have thought the same thing as I’m near sighted and piggy wouldn’t have been clear to me either.
    This had all the markings of a Steven King novel. I’m glad the little oinker was friendly.

  6. Loved the conversation with Alpha Man..lol, I can hear similar ones with my husband..lol So glad the owner found her lost piggy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. After a rough start to my day, I had to keep from lmao so my boss wouldn’t hear me reading your dialogue!

    Just read one of your books for the first time yesterday. Simply Irresistable was great. It kept me laughing and a smile on my face all day. It also hit close to home for me on more than one level. Can’t wait to read the next one. (Going back to library today) ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. I went to get the mail one day & saw something at the neighbors across the road. I thought it was a new dog black like the big one but just a bit bigger than the brown one. It was a pig! I’ve seen it once in awhile all summer. Here’s the guy walking across his lawn followed by two year old boy, black dog, brown dog, and black pig. I NEVER hv my camera or ph when it is running around.

  9. Love your pig story! When you first described the pig I was afraid you were about to have an encounter with a wild boar! The pictures are so cute…

  10. Love this story! ๐Ÿ˜† I’m always dragging animals home and having these types of conversations with my husband which usually end with him threatening to divorce me which of course never happens! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ™‚

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